The town was buzzin’ last weekend. Buzzin’.That’s cos’ it was a bank holdee Faa Side, says you. Faa frumih. It’s cuzduhwuz a relic in town. Literally nothing gets Drawda excited as when a new relic comes to town. And they don’t much bigger than a speck of Muddur Teresa’s blood on a muslin cloth. Here’s the top 5 religious relic visits to the town, rated in terms of class, super power and revenue potential.

It may be over now, but it was fun while it lasted. Last week’s humanitarian disaster was great for the town. Reaction ranged from the stoic to the hysteric as social media was saturated by the great unwashed. Locals who’ve obviously never been to the developing world became convinced that Drawda had morphed into a third world country.

Emergency services were called to Stameen last night after a dog walker found a shivering Shanks chained to a water pipe behind Stameen housing estate. The veteran Councillor had been conspicuous by his absence during the water crisis. He is rehydrating in the hostipal.

The ongoing water crisis in Drawda area has led to some unexpected Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) for the town. One of the world’s top fragrance houses have opened a pop-up shop on West Street this lunchtime.

A local hipster has dismissed the water crisis in Drawda as people just being copy cats and sheeple. Damian Barrington-Locke, with an address at The Treehouse, Mell, clemt he stopped using water months ago after realising it was a conformist action.

In scenes reminiscent of The Famine, Turkish ships set sail from Istanbul this morning laden with water to help the stricken Drawda population. The ships last embarked on the 6000km journey during the Great Famine or Great Hunger as it was known locally.