Just after midnight in Baltray, Drawda Mayor Oliver Tully tweeted: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.” That was it. No more. Just that word “covfefe” left hanging there.

St. Joseph’s CBS, Drawda’s oldest secondary school for boys, is to rebrand itself as the country’s first MMA school. The move comes as a natural progression with suspension rates 2.7 times the national average and the Minister of Education writing to the school to ask what the fuck is going on like.

There was great excitement this morning outside the Earth nightclub as the first discarded knickers of spring were discovered by birdwatchers.

Following the parochial decision of the Boundary Commission to ignore population growth trends, experts on urban development and Drogheda, Senator Ged Nash has decided to take some time to process the decision by joining the new American Monastery in Stamullen.

 

Around this time of the year, new gym recruits begin to lose heart. Getting fit is hard work. It requires dedication and willpower. And everyone knows those combination of character traits are about as rare as seeing a Meathman not order a breakfast roll in a restaurant.

Councillor Shanks Godfrey has called for the North Road Quarry to be filled in. Yes, you read that right and you know it makes sense. It’d be great for the town.

Now that January is over and most gyms around the town start to quieten down, those who didn’t touch a drop for the fourst month are being released back into the wilds of West Street.