A Potted History of Local Wind

 There was great excitement about the town this week as Hurricane Ophelia ‘battered’ the town. Once it was announced that the country was closed on Monday, off-licences and supermaakets were cleant out of it, in that order. Some people seem to think that this is the first time the town has suffered at the handada wind, but older, wiser heads know better. They’ve been dealing with the bitter breeze blowing in from Meath since wind was invented…

The Ill Wind from Dundalk

Famous for blowing all Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) away from Drawda and towards Dundalk, the Ill Wind began in the late 1990s. This localised phenomenon also serves to blow Dundalk based politicians away from the Drawda exits on the M1. Strangely, this wind can blow both ways at once, ensuring Messers Adams, Fitzpatrick and Breatnach rarely if ever visit Ireland’s largest town.

The Bitter Breeze from Meath

This prevailing breeze is a constant feature of the Drawda micro-climate. It can occasionally be upgraded to a storm, fuelled by the hot air coming from East Meath politicians (as happened during the recent Louth Meath Border Commission). The Bitter Breeze escalates into seasonal gusts of arrogance from May to July, blowing men and women in Meath jerseys into the town.

The Westerly Wind

Coats the coast of Louth with radiation from Sellafield, working in tandem with the Irish Sea and if you listen to the Shinners, the British Government.

Hurricane Higgins

The Norn Irish snooker star was a common sight around the town (before he sadly passed away in 2010) especially in The Mariner pub where he liked nothing more than a quiet pint. Serial snooker loser Jimmy ‘Whirlwind’ White, is also no stranger to the snooker clubs of Drawda – though he doesn’t kick up as much of a storm these days as Hurricane once did.

Storm (Stawm) Nightclub

Nightclub of the Gods, now closed. Storm was so much more than a gale force bluster of punters who didn’t get in the Eaaarth. Storm opened on the nights you shouldn’t really be going out on, like Monday nights. For some reason the women all seemt to be called Gail and judging by their tricolour tattoos, the men all true Gaels.

Wind Nightclub

Sadly never got to open its doors. A panicked last minute name change to The Weavers deprived the town of possibly the best nightclub slogan of all time – Get Blown in Wind.

Blow-ins from Dublin

The most feared of all the winds. This northerly gale is a direct result of climate change. From 1997 until the present day, it has blown a generation of Dubs into the town. While they may have escaped the hell of inner city Dublin/Dublin suburbs/Balbriggan, a breath of fresh air they most certainly have not been. Meteorologists insist that the wind is irreversible.