Tidy Towns – What They Really Thought Of Drawda

If there’s one thing The Faa Side loves its cleanliness. We were given a discarded Tidy Towns report sheet found on a street in Navan. We are 94% shoer it is genuine. This is because there is no filing system in Navan and Meath people don’t believe in shredding. Here is a digested summary.

 

Baltray

Last year’s €5k grant by Cllr. Tully to the Baltray Residents’ Association was put to good use. The Ward Off sentries it funded also doubled up as anti-fly tipping patrols. As a result, there was only one case of litter in the village/golf course. The boy responsible, a caddy from Collon, was publically waaaturbuurded as an example to other litter Louts littering Louth. His cries of “It was a applebuh! It’s biodegradable! This isn’t Summerisle!” went unheeded.

 

Dublin Road

Letting the town down yet again. Just because you drive a BMW or have bought an SUV or 4X4 even though you don’t live on a farm and don’t need one, this doesn’t give you the right to throw litter out of your caa just because you’re rich. No amount of rotary club fund-raising dinners can justify being filthy.

 

Down the Town

Despite a calamitous PR debacle during the waatur crises (watering the Tidy Town flowers – yes with river waatur we know blah blah…), the centre of the town wasn’t that bad. The Tidy Towns Council noted that it was a shame that Drawda Borough Council was both a powerless and rudderless non-entity. They hypothetically mused that if the Council did have any power, they could make the binmen empty the overflowing bins at weekends instead of downing tools at 3pm on Friday just as the town gets busy over the weekend.

 

Maa Paak

Did the best it could do with limited resources. The Tidy Towns Committee gev them a paypur staa and recommended that a second bin should be placed in the estate or be given to homeowners on a rotational basis.

 

Ballymakenny Road

Lost a hape of points this year due to a spate of domestic rubbish being dumped in the public bins. Tidy town officials were especially disappointed with the lack of variety of the illegal dump – nappies, Lidl teabags, pizza boxes. “It’s one thing being too scabby to pay for your bins,” said one official. “But at least be a little mysterious about it. Why not fly tip something exotic? Us Tidy Town officials are practically human too, we get bored looking at packets of Cawnflakes and that. We need stories for when we retire to the after-dinner Tidy Towns circuit.

 

Crosslanes

Well known as the most depressing stretch of road in the town, this bleak link road is a veritable minefield of dog foul. Anyone unfortunate enough to have to walk here has to choose between looking up at the bleak hopelessness of badly thought out architecture or looking down to avoid the piles of glistening muck that mine the paths.

The Glen

Cause of controversy this year after a rival Tidy Town Committee from Dundalk objected to natural silt clogging up the pipe at the bars going under the Newfoundwell Road. The Dundulkians felt that this should be considered litter. The issue was brought before a tribunal which found that the natural build-up of slime and scum is no reason for discrimination. The tribunal also cited the Dundalk delegation, pointing out that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

 

 

 

 

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