Hughie ‘Heffner’ Keirans The Drawda Playboy, Dead At 84

Hugh Keirans, the smut baron often likened to the American Playboy owner Hugh Heffner, died today at the Playboy Hey! Mansion on the Dublin Road, aged 84.

Keirans gained notoriety in 1960s Drogheda by launching his infamous magazine Nudie Lasses of Anagassan. He was subsequently jailed by the church. On his release he relaunched his publishing empire from Northern Ireland. This time however, he played by the rules of conservative Ireland.

He insisted that his models wore clothes. Keirans drew exclusively from the packs of feral women between Drawda and Ardee. For many of them it was their first time wearing clothes. Their obvious discomfort wearing swimsuits (or clothes of any description) was the secret ingredient that saw Durty Drawda Young Ones make Keirans into a millionaire.

Keirans is said to have slep with over 20,000 local women and some 10,000 local men. He is credited with bringing about a mild sexual revolution in south Louth during the 1970s and was a founding member of the ever popular Stameen Swingers sex group.

Speaking on local radio this morning, his son Hugh Keirans II, said “Dad was proud of introducing promiscuity and sexual adventure to Drogheda. He was particularly proud that Greenhills College became a world leader in teenage pregnancy in the 80s and 90s. But perhaps his most stunning achievement was introducing adultery to Bettystown, where it thrives to this day. He was equally proud of introducing soft porn to Termonfeckin.”

However, there was a darker side to Drawda’s most eligible bachelor and like Gerry Adams, he denied being in the IRA for years. In his 2014 memoir Ridin’ and Me, he admitted to honorary membership of the IRA (Keirans was the chief supplier of porn to the Provos during the 1980s, delivering it under the guise of a fleet of video vans).

The soft porn baron retired in 2016 when Storm Night club shut down. He is survived by loads of young ones.