Mell Treehouse A Snip at €500,000

A bespoke tree house at the back of an industrial era cottage in Mell has gone on the market at a bargain price of just half a million Euro. The 6m2 tree house, Caveat Emptor, was made by dad Fintan with help from his 8 year old twins Jay and Kay, who were super helpers that morning. Its cosy living space is ideal for a young couple yet to realise that all love is is a chemical reaction that fades over time, like new car smell.

The bijou property is finished with a stylish mélange of locally sourced wood and sangria tinged galvanised steel, corrugated of course.

The stylish interior plays with traditional notions of walls by dispensing with slavish devotion to the window. Instead, a series of perceptively placed spaces allows light to permeate into the main living area. These functional yet refined openings highlight the brave biscotti and cerulean finish to the wood, known locally as pallet though pronounced in the French fashion.

This ecological wonder leaves no carbon footprint. It is in fact, 100% ecologically friendly – all materials used in its construction were made from atoms present in the world since the dawn of time.

The bargain basement price does reflect the absence of a central heating system. But this should not put off potential buyers. Fintan has tastefully jimmied an extension lead through one of the slats. This can be used to boil water for hot water bottles (kettle or hot water bottles not provided). There is an old coal bucket to collect rainwater on the roof – a tip from the real estate agent guaranteed to attract monied hipsters.

Uncertainties around Brexit and the capricious nature of the Trump administration can cause the first time buyer to overly focus on security. Not in Mell. Once you pull up the ladder behind you you’re as safe a monk in a round tower. The only way anyone is getting into this cottage is by chopping the tree down and unless you’re a heavy sleeper, you’re likely to notice this before it happens.

The Banco Drawda has a special offer for first time buyers born and bred in the town – the 114% mortgage. Mortgage Specialist Des Troy doesn’t expect the property to be on the market for long.

“Value for money properties like this one are a once in a life time opportunity. If you’re literally looking to get onto the property ladder, this is the one for you. It’s ideal for a young couple and there’s plenty of space for the pitter-patter of tiny feet. If I didn’t already have a bulging housing portfolio I’d definitely put in an offer.”