He’s barely been in the job 2 days and he’s already been nominated for the Nobel Prize after brokering a peace deal between Moneymore and Rathmullen. But that’s just an average day in the life of new Drawda Mayor, Pio Smith.
Mayor Pio made the announcement at what passes for a press conference in Drawda. Two tracksuited youths were then led out by Bono, who flew in from Holland especially. Pio and the two warlords then signed the peace accords.
The feuding estates have been entrenched in internecine warfare since 1983. The conflict has been going on for so long nobody can remember how or why it started though veterans of the war suggest it had to do with which estate was “the best in the town”.
“I stand here before you with Keno and Macker, both victims and protagonists of the conflict that has radicalised too many generations of young men in Drawda,” grandiosed Smith. “No more! This piece of paper I hold alfot guarantees peace for our time!”
The ceasefire comes as a relief to the Rathmullen massif, especially after St. Laurence’s Park and St. Laurence’s Drive entered the conflict on the Moneymore side. Attempts by Rathmullen to annex Marian Paak and Ballsgrove in an attempt to swell their ranks failed earlier this year. From that point on, it was only a matter of time before the superior logistics (joyriding, robbing, graffiti) and fund-raising (drugs) arms of the north side war machine triumphed in what had become a war of attrition. Splinter groups however, remain a concern.
Mayor Pio concluded the peace conference by getting some snaps for the papers on the Bridge of Peace.