Taxi Driver Who Causes Traffic Congestion Says Gate Closure Will Cause Traffic Congestion

Local taxi Driver Jim Carr has come out strongly against the Council decision to close Laurence’s Gate to traffic on the Facebuke. In a controversial post, Jim denounced the traffic management plan by saying it was only going to make the traffic problem in the town worser.

“I’m with Cllr. Tommy Byrne on this one. We can’t just be closing the gate willy-nilly without a proper traffic plan in place – a plan that suits me and my agenda. The town is sitting on a wafer thin time bomb. There’ll be an Open The Gate campaign before Chrismiss. Maak my wurdz. If yous love the gate so much, why don’t yis go and live in it!”

The post got 24 likes and a share, mostly from other taxi drivers furious with the decision.

Not satisfied with the Facebuke, Jim textit into the local radio station and sat furiously waiting for them to read out his text, but they never did even though there were no curse words in the text, nothing slanderous and it was obviously a slow morning as there was a feature on a weightwatcher from Tullyallen who met Peter Andre in 1994 and is still dining out on it.

Then he hit the Tinder but got distracted talking to women who for some reason weren’t interested in his views on the pedestrianisation of Laurence’s Gate but he agreed to meet them later on to discuss how they could take things further. Where were all the men? As a taxi driver, Jim knew that if you want something done, you need a bunch of men to do it.

He logged out of the Tinder and into his Instagram account, @drawdataximan where he posted four pictures, three of lorries going under the gate and not getting stuck and that famous black and white pic of the giraffe going under the gate on a unicycle (taken in the 1960s when that circus kem to town in the 80s before they banned all the animals from performing.

He then hit Twitter, hashtagging #openthegate #trafficclowns and tagging as many important people as he could, including President Trump, who retweeted the tweet.

He didn’t really fancy doing the Snapchat but gev it a go anyways. Who knows he thought, giving the gate dog features could be just the ticket. Young people love that kind of stuff. It’s just crazy enough to work.

However, just then, he got distracted by a Romanian and forgot all about the gate.