Fitzer Sets Another Dáil Bench Press Record So He Has

A visibly pumped Peter Fitzpatrick promised his constituents there was more to come after breaking his own record for bench presses in the Dáil gym. The Faa Side caught up with Deputy Fitzpatrick about half way through his routine.

“Good afternoon Deputy.”

“Just hold on there now will you…Fuur thousant twee hundertn two…fuur thousant twee hundertn twee…fuur thousant twee hundertn fuur there now…fuur thousant twee hundertn five so it is…”

“Are you tired at all?”

“The day I get tired benchpressing is the day I get tired of looking after my constitchents in Dundalk so it is. Would a tired man be ebble to do this sure? (Deputy Fitzpatrick ups the pace)…fuur thousant twee hundertn six, seven, eight, nine, ten, e–lev-en g’wan ye wee bitch ye get up! Twelve!”

“Does your bench pressing ever impinge on your Dáil work Deputy?”

“No never….Fuur thousant twee hundertn tuurteen…fuur thousant twee hundertn fourteen…I do give me body a work out here in the Dáil gym so I do and me mind does be wurked fery haad up in the Dáil Dáil so it does be. The brain is a muscle too so it is. Not many people know that bus twue, God’s honour. That’s why I’ve started to do the Dundalk Sudoku every mawning…fuur thousant twee hundertn fifteen there…”

“What’s Dundalk Sudoku?”

“It’s great for exercising the mind. Basically it’s like Japanese Sudoku except there’s only one number Michael. Yivteh figure out what number they want so you do.  If I get 2 correct in the week I’d be happy. Jim Corr can get eight on a good week. I got it right yesterday so I did. I’d a feeling that they were looking for the number tutty fuur so I was delighted when I seen tutty fuur in this mawnings solutions.

“The week I grilled John Delany so hard at the Joint Committee on Sport he had to go early I’d gotten five in a row. He was sweating bullets that day so he was.”

How many reps do you hope to do today?

“Well if I stay here talking to you not as many as I’d hoped! ‘Am gonna count me reps in numbers so I am, it’s quicker than saying the whole number out loud in words so it is…4316…4317…4318…4319…4139b…4340…”


“That was a joke so it was, ‘Al add it in at the end so I will, an extra one. Just for Dundalk.”

“Thanks Deputy.”

“Fuur thousant twee hundertn fawty one hey…”