Geographers have discovered what they say is a lost or ‘misplaced’ county between Louth and Monaghan. Soiamhey, the so-called 33rd county, was discovered by drone last Friday.
The findings were published in Monday’s edition of the Northeast Leinster South Ulster Geographers Bi-Monthly Meander in an article entitled How Did We Miss This Atall Atall? The study contends that the county has lain hidden under a haze of outdated Republicanism, diesel fumes and country music.
“It was hiding in plain sight,” said Dr. Top O’Graphy of DIFE’s renowned Department of Jography & Fitness. “They used the twin headed repellents of Country and Western music to ward off intruders. That was supplemented by a strong smell of slurry.”
The county was given its name, Soiamhey, due to the frequency with which the inhabitants used this sound. This follows the traditional tradition of naming counties after the traits of their inhabitants – Down (depression), Armagh (unhealthy levels of mother worship), MEath (general selfishness).
Little is known about the inhabitants of County Soiamhey – 97% of its 110 km2 being under culchie. However, much can be gleaned from the 40 minutes of drone footage released by DIFE. Dr. O’Graphy explained.
“They keep to their own. Like most people who love Country & Western music, they are on the cusp of moving on from an agrarian society to an industrial or services based economy. It is a delicate phase of human development and even the slightest imbalance or shock could send them back to the Hunter-Gatherer phase.”
Drone footage of crop circles seems to make out a primitive form of hieroglyphics which appear to highlight such an event. It appears a violent and seismic societal shock occurred after Garth Brooks was refused a five night residence at Croke Park in 2014. What few books they had were burned and those unable to line dance were banished or enslaved, sometimes both.
Within 24 hours, an emergency Government decree ordering satellites to be pointed at the county was passed. No sooner had the feed gone live vans registered to Fianna Fáil were spotted installing Parish Pumps at strategic points throughout the county. Political parties have since sent envoys to meet local chieftains and the High King, Garth.
However it may be too late as soundings from these meetings suggest that the whole county will vote Fianna Fáil, a natural gravitation for any primitive society.