Dry January Wankers To Hit The Pubs Hard This Weekend

Now that January is over and most gyms around the town start to quieten down, those who didn’t touch a drop for the fourst month are being released back into the wilds of West Street.

They’ll hit the pubs harder than Drawda tap water. It’ll be like they haven’t drank all year, because they haven’t. And how will you know? They will tell you and every other person that comes into eye contact about their month in the Sahara – the money they saved, the weight they lost, how good they feel and how they can’t wait to do it again.

Heavy footfall is expected from early Friday evening with the fourst wave of dry yokes frothing at the mouth in anticipation of their pint of smug. Some of these will fade fast, sneak out the side door for a kebab never to be seen again. The ones that make it past closing time should be approached with caution as they could explode at any time.

Saturday night is fight night, the main event. Some of these will have been thinking of this all month – marking the days off on the calendar was the only thing that got them through the Janree blues. These are less likely to gloat and more likely to celebrate the fact that no one could call them an alcoholic for a whole month.

Others will make up for lost time by drinking twice as fast as normal. By the time Sunday comes around we’ll all be in the same boat, wishing we had Monday off.