Drawda Mammies Talk About Their Kids Out Foreign

Overheard while waiting for a prescription in the chemists…

Mary: How’s your Sinéaid getting on? My Colm was tellin’ me she got a great job adout foreign.

Collette: Indeedin’ she did. She’s always had an itch on her.

M: Sure I remember – dating all those college boys and her only doing the Junior. And she was always getting the train to Laytown too. She’s always had the wanderlust.

C: We were hoping she’d just go somewhere boring and safe like Australia, like your Colm. We do worry.

M: Oz is faa from boring! Colm callt us from Bondi Beach on Christmas Day. They were BBQing Barbecue flavour Hula Hoops to see what would happen. They’re a mad bunch! He’s even doing a line with a lass from Clawhur.

C: I wish owur Sinéaid was like that… We do Skype her once a week so we do. More if we hear there’s been more riots on the news. Just to know she’s safe like.

M: Colm’s on the WhatsApp the whole time. You’d think he was in Mell not Melbourne!

C: Lookit sure once she got the job offer there was no talking to her. ‘But it’s an amazing opportunity mam,’ she goes. And in fairness ih is a great ex-pat package – live-in maid, penthouse, company caa, langwidge and culture shock classes…And the money is obscene – it’s the only way they can get people to wuurk there.

M: Do yous not be awful worried though? I mean, you know me Marie ‘Am no racist or anthin – A’ll get the furst taxi on the rank regaadless – but they’re just not like us. Does she have protection?

C: She’s been on the pill since she was foeteen sure. And the company hired a private security detail to shadow her every move, so she’s covered on all bases. Heor come heor. Me and hisself are tinking of visiting her for her bertday in Maach. If you get your vaccinations done this week you could come with us. She’d love to see you! You’re her godmudder after all.

M: Ah…Em…I dunno…’Am on the blood pressure tablets and all. And ‘Am not afraid to say it. I’d be afraid for me safety.

C: Ah Marie, it’s not as bad as what you do hear on the radio. They have running water now.

M: Just leave it will you! ‘Am not going to Navan.