A man who was nagged by his wife to buy an all-in-one colour compartmentalised bin instead of having four separate bins in the kitchen has cracked. Friends of the man say he is recovering in hostible from Nervous Recycling Disorder.
The man, who suffers from indecision, feels there is just way too much societal pressure on him to correctly bin his waste. His problems began when he married his current wife, who likes the environment. He even voted for the Greens for a while before realising it was a waste of time.
Nagged and denied congress until he got a superbin, the man soon found out only one person could actually stand in the kitchen at any given time. This is his story.
“When I was a childt you just fucked everything in the one bin and then the bin lorry kem and brought it to the dump, where it was burnt. It was a simpler system – a system farmers use to this day but in barrels in their own fields.”
“We were a two-bin household, a man could deal with that. But then they changed it. First it was You can’t put glass in the bin. Even fucking light bulb glass, which only cuts weaklings! They make you go down the bottle bank but sure then everyone’ll know you’re an alco.
“And now there’s an organic bin for food waste but I hear they’re bringing out another organic bin which is for authentic organically grown food only, followed no doubt by another for organically slaughtered animals. And sure if the bin company think you’ve mixed them up they’ll not collect any rubbish from you ‘cos you can’t be trusted. You’ll be on a black list.”
A doctor confirmed that the man is unlikely to make a full recovery. “It’s looking like mission compostable at this stage,” he diagnosed.