Couch to 5k to Couch

Here at Faa Side Towers we’re gluttons for the New Year’s Resolution. Last year we succeeded spectacularly after deciding to be nicer to Meath. We’re hoping to follow up that success with a return to the levels of fitness that have eluded us since childhood. Two years The Faa Side bought all the gear – bicycle shorts, a head band, yellow clothes and a dose of smug…

Day One

Went asleep in lycra bodysuit. Set alarm for 5am. Woke up in an explosion of static electricity. Hit snooze – nobody will see you out running that early so it’s pointless.

Downloaded app. 25 minutes a day. Walk for 45 seconds run for 15 seconds. Easy.

Day Two

Full of energy. Why doesn’t everyone run? Walk for 35 seconds run for 25 seconds. Slightly harder.

Day Three

Rest day. Spend the day posting progress reports on Instagram. Feel great. Had a lovely Chinese.

Day Four

Bought new runners. Someone said they make you a better person and I think they’re right. Walk for 20 seconds, run for 40 seconds. This is tough.

Day Five

Got seen by people I admire while out pounding the streets. Walk for 10 seconds, run for 50 seconds. Only catching my breath and I have to go again. Question why we need to run given we’re the dominant species on the planet.

Day Six

No walking. All running. Get overtaken by a waddle of weight watchers from Tullyallen. Self-esteem crushed. To cap it all off, think I pull an achilles so buy three three-packs of Twixes in the garage on the way home to comfort myslef. Sales assistant raises eyebrow. When did people become so judgemental?

Day Seven

Limbs in pain. Call in sick from work. No amount of bath salts will help. Spend day in bath. Wrinkle up badly. Get into hot press thinking it will help. It doesn’t.

Day Eight

Frost on the ground – too dangerous to run. Walk to pub.

Day Nine

Too hungover to run though spend the day shuttling back and forth to fridge though do speedwalk to takeaway.

Day Ten

Read an article that says the guy who invented jogging died of a heart attack while jogging. Knock it on the head – too young to die.

…But that was two year ago. This year is different. Pick a race and focus on that they say. The Running of the Meathman is on the foeteent of January. It may seem very soon but there’s nothing like seeing it come out of the horse box all blinded by the light with only its ears to tell it which way to run.