Man Who Holds His Breath Going Through Meath Dies After Delays on the M1

A man whose dislike of the Royal County caused him to hold his breath while travelling through the thin strip of coastal Meath on his daily commute to Dublin has died.

The man, who has been named as 34 year-old office gimp Darren ‘Daz’ O’Reilly could have been saved but chose death rather than inhale the air of the Royal County. O’Reilly insisted that the air quality in Meath had been irreparably tainted since the controversial Leinster Senior Football Championship Final of 2010.

He often mentioned to friends that “Breathing that shite was like smoking 40 Major an hour in the cupboard bit under your stairs what’s too small to make into a bog.” He leaves behind a wife and two young children.

Years of commuting saw him able to train his lungs to hold their breath for most of the seven minutes it takes to go from junction 8 of the M1 to the Devlin River on the Dublin-Meath border.

Darren allowed himself one emergency breath, which he would take by unzipping his bag and breathing in the Louth air he’d urged into his bag that morning.

Sadly however, his luck ran out as a crash just one kilometre from the border with Dublin caused a fifteen minute tailback – foeteen minutes longer than his emergency bag oxygen allowed for. He could’ve gotten out and ran to the border but the lack of oxygen travelling to his brain meant he didn’t think of it.

His needless death has again seen calls for emergency tanks of Louth sourced oxygen to be placed along the M1 at 100m intervals. An online petition has been set up by the dead man’s wife calling for oxygen masks to be provided along with commuters’ tax saver tickets.