Burst Water Pipe on North Quay Declared A River Confirms Mayor

A broken pipe that leaks water in all directions.

 The burst pipe on the North Quay has been officially declared a tributary of the Boyne. A geographical study by Irish Water confirmed the news this morning.

The pipe, which used to supply drinking water to the north of the town has changed course over the past couple of years. Attempts by the Dundalk-run Drogheda Borough Council to stop the leaks were hindered by workmen habitually confusing the waterproof plasters with the non-water proof plasters.

Every year that passed without the burst pipe being properly fixed added confidence to the pipe’s riverly ambitions. We spoke to Drawda’s newest waterway.

“When we started out as a lowly cold tap pipe we never thought we’d one day be flowing here as a river. We kept plugging away and med sure we were ready when our chance kem along,” said the new river.

Speaking at a ceremony to mark Drawda’s latest geographical feature, Mayor Oliver Tully was gushing in his praise of the river.

“This new river is a great addition to the town. How many town’s can say they have two rivers in them? Not Dundalk. And as for Navan, well, that’s a freak of a place anyway – you’d expect a town that spells itself backwards to have two rivers and has it even been confirmed that they’re not the same river? I have my doubts.

“I officially name this fine river the River Pipe. Anyone who disagrees can fuck right off. I’m the mayor and this is one of the few decisions I have the power to make.”

Water trucks have been set up indefinitely to distribute water to those affected by the upgrading.