Priest Retreat Turns Into Mass Orgy

A cross section of nuns and recently ordained priests are being treated for ecumenical exhaustion after a spiritual retreat turned into a mass orgy.

Canteen staff raised the alarm after nobody turned up for half-hourly tea breaks in the canteen. “We assumed they were off the tea just to play a joke on us. They’re a mad bunch,” said canteen lady Bridie. “But when nobody turned up after Aggie put out the good scones with the jam we knew something was up.”

Rhythmic chanting and groans could be heard emanating from the chapel as well as regular shouts of “Oh God!” and “Enter me Holy Spirit! Fill me with your love!”

A local biddy commented, “We’d heard of this kind of thing happening in the missions out in Africa but we never thought we’d see it here in Termonfeckin.”

The newly frocked priests and at least six nuns barricaded themselves into a small chapel in the retreat at dawn and began the mass orgy. A spokes-priest downplayed the incident at a press conference.

“A row broke out over who would say mass. One thing led to another and before you know it all the priests are having a go. It’s like anything. Some priests are finished before they’ve even got their bibles out while others take too long. It’s a perfectly simple explanation.”

The spokespriest said he wasn’t surprised at all the groaning, pointing out that the sheer number of genuflections required at a mass orgy must take a toll on the knees, especially given the advanced ages of the nuns.

He called on the public to cut the new priests some slack. “These are young lads fresh from priest school. They ration masses in the college – they want to keep the priests hungry for match days. It’s normal for young men to experiment with their spirituality and everyone knows nuns are always up for some devilment.

“They most likely pressured the priests into letting them say mass. I’ve been a victim myself. ‘Oh Father, I’ve never done it Father.’ ‘I’ll be quick Father.’ ‘No one will know Father, it’ll be our secret Father.’ Textbook nun conniving.”

Over forty consecutive masses were said before firemen hosed them down the and brought the mass orgy to a halt. Everyone has since repented and it’s all grand.