A group of teenagers from a rough estate (St. Laurence Park) were forced to stop raiding the bonfire stash of a middle class estate this week after being confronted by a group of angry dads. The dads gave the rough kids a right piece of their minds after laying in wait for the raiding party to strike.
“Our sons have been politely collecting wood for the bonfire for weeks,” said Randolph Barrington-Hynes, Emeritus Chairperson of the Matson Lodge Residents’ Association. “They’ve been petitioning factories for damaged pallets and have even turned the experience into a school science project – conducting controlled experiments to measure the carbon dioxide levels of the burning wood so as to ascertain how many bushes they should plant to offset any damage to the environment.”
The dads even chipped in and bought three tractor tyres for the bonfire.
Things had been going well until Monday night, when a group of bigger and rougher kids raided the stash under cover of darkness, having gotten wind of the stash after overhearing some loose talk on a school bus. The raiding party wheeled away one of the tractor tyres before rain called a halt to proceedings and they decided to do some glue in one of the ladsis sheds instead.
Muzz Clitin, 15 year-old capo, spoke to The Faa Side after the dressing down.
“Dey wur mad. Ah least we tink dey wur. We wur callt blackgaads, go-boyis and ne’er do wells, whahever dats supposid to mean. Naumily when we geh caugh we geh a kickin. I tink dey toldt us we weretint welcome buh I couldn understand dem. Den Dey gev us money!
“Typical rich people, throwin money ah tings. Dose lads ah missin ouh on vital life lessonts. Dey need to toughen up, dey’re not resourceful enough. Maybe we’ll approach a few a dem to rah ouh deir new hidin spoh. We’ll be doin dum a favour. You don’t learn everything in school. We’ll geh de rest of de stash tomorrow nigh.”
However, Barrington-Hynes and the rest of the dads are confident that the matter has been dealt with. “We got them to sign an agreement not to steal anymore of the boys’ bonfire wood in exchange for a retainer. We explained to them that any violation of the agreement will be dealt with through the juvenile courts, where we have ‘friends’.