Councillor Richie Culhane Confirmed As A Hologram

It has been confirmed that local Fine Gael Councillor Richie Culhane is in fact a hologram. The discovery was made by a group of junior cycle students from a local secondary school.

Culhane has been dogged for years by rumours of his holography, allegedly not attending badly lit functions for fear of discovery and only giving watery handshakes at mass to disguise his condition.

Philosophy

Hacked emails released on Louth focused transparency website Wee-kileaks reveal that a worried Culhane tried to supress a public debate on the issue as recently as last month when Drogheda Philosophic Society held a debate called Heorr Does Cllr. Culhane Exist Or Wha Cos You Never See Him Doing Nuthin In The Papers Like?

Both sides agreed that Culhane must exist, though even this existence was as subjective as it was speculative. Some argued that people just apply the same belief system to Culhane as they do when it comes to religion; assuming it to be true but never actually thinking about in a rational way.

Others argued strongly that that the physical space taken up by him consists of a robotic endoskeleton surrounded by a mass of biological matter onto which unassuming voters project their perception of what a Fine Gael Councillor should look like.

They posited that if Culhane didn’t exist they wouldn’t be having a debate on the topic as he must exist or have originated in something that did exist or currently exists, like a brain, for them to be debating the matter. The evening quickly evolved into a deeper discussion on the nature and purely local understanding of human consciousness.

Discovery

Holograms by their very nature disappear if looked at at an angle. It was this very premise that led to one of the school kids making the accidental discovery. Often the greatest scientific breakthroughs are made by accident.

“I could see him there in the paper,” said second year student Ryan Keiransis. “I just tilted my head a bit and he was gone! I moved my head back a bit and he reappeared! I went to a Council meeting and applied the same method. I got the same results.”

The students have encouraged people to see for themselves by looking at the Councillor with tilted heads. It is hoped that the revelations will not reflect badly on Cllr. Culhane, who was unavailable for comment.


 

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