The Latest Obituaries

Maatin ‘Fatty’ MCGAHEY

Colpe, Drogheda.

Frykend to death by the rise of Sinn Féin.

 

Al ‘Nobser’ CULLINAN,

Formerly of Nobber, Co. Meath.

Violently in the vicinity of Funtasia, Bettystown.

Requiem bender Friday – Thursday inc. Mates only.

 

Gobbler MCGUIRK (nee Fisthorn),

Merkin Lane, Termonfeckin.

Succumbed to gluten and other learned intolerances.

Organically harvested. Donations to Gluten Free Termonfeckin.

 

‘Hairy’ Mary CAREY (nee Carey),

Kingsgate, Duleek.

Peacefully in the loving care of the St. Lucifer’s Nursing Home

surrounded by distraught and loving family members.

Funeral mass in St. Peter’s, Drogheda. Missed already by children, grandchildren and friends.

 

‘Hairy’ Mary CAREY (nee Carey),

Kingsgate, Duleek.

Resentfully in the impatient care of her family who couldn’t wait to be rid of the burden who put her in a home against her wishes where her good blankets and cardies were stolen by the nurses. Yous can go to the funeral mass but I won’t be there as I have arranged to be cremated. My estate (€3.7 million) donated to the Soup Kitchen and me cats. – Printed at the request of the deceased through her will.

Michael ‘Big Mickey’ POWER (nee Michelle)

College Rise, Drogheda.

Complications following surgery. Leaves behind

a hape of regret and confused teenage sons.

Body donated to DIFE.

 

Tom ‘Darkie’ BLACK,

Newfoundwell, Drogheda.

Victim of July’s Ebola outbreak in Newfield.

Not a racist but a product of the society he was raised in.

Always filled the Trocáire box, hated his nickname.

 

Francie ‘Pikey’ WARD,

Thomas Street, Drogheda.

From injuries sustained transporting old fighting pikes from the 1798 Rebellion on a bike, an ill-advised venture from the start given the potholes on Thomas Street.

 

Jemima SWINLEY TURLINGTON,

Bettystown, Co. Meath.

Suddenly from shock after her horse Sarah Jessica seen a poor but attractive stallion tied to a lamppost in the favelas around Bettystown and fancied a bit of rough.

Jemima will be buried on her horse as was her dying wish.

Donations to the horsey circuit or The Rotary Club. If it’s a two figure donation, don’t bother.

 

Hatchet MCKEOWN,

Maa Paak, Drogheda.

Eaten by the wee folk out in Townley Hall.

Or brutally murdered in a gangland feud.

It depends on who you talk to.

 

Billy ‘Tobler’ Owens,

Ballymakenny, Drogheda.

Bet against himself making it to forty. Felt he had to honour his bet.

He didn’t understand bets at all.

 

Archie CONATY,

No Fixed Abode.

Victim of a collapsed sleeping bag, a heavy frost and the sudden collapse of Lehman Brothers in 2008.