Schoolyard Game ‘Catch A Man Kill A Man’ Renamed To Include Girls & Transgenders

The traditional Drogheda schoolyard game of Catch A Man Kill A Man is to be renamed. The landmark ruling comes after a gender equality study by the Department of Edumication. The move comes as a surprise as there are no known fatalities of the children’s game.

The Faa Side spoke to children affected by the ruling.

“We’d catch a man alright so we would but we wouldn’t actually kill him so we wouldn’t. It’s only a bleedin figure of speech…but it is too rough for girls. It’s just another example of teachers being knobs.” said 8 year-old Ryan McTrevors.

The study found the game to be socially exclusive to boys leaving girls and the transgendered with feelings of worthlessness and social anxiety. While the game is not a problem in segregated schools, it has been causing issues in rural national schools and newer educate together schools where some outdoorsy girls have been labelled ‘tomboys’ by cruel children and some transgendered children don’t know if they can partake or not, causing them anxiety and forcing them to re-examine their sexuality.

The game is to be renamed as Catch a Boy, Girl or a Little Transgendered Kid and Give Them a Big Hug Because Everybody is Special.

A spokesperson for the Schoolyard Equality Unit of the Department of Edumication explained the ruling.

“Today’s schoolyard is a cosmopolitan place, outside of rural areas anyway (and Meath). If boys are given free reign to play exclusively with themselves there will be nobody to temper the natural bitchy tendencies of little Irish girls. And it’s just too soon to tell how this will affect transgendered children.

“That said, we’ve successfully piloted the scheme in a number of schools in the Drogheda region and it’s been a great success.”

The popular games of British Bulldog and Hopscotch are also to be renamed after the report found that both were subliminally brainwashing children into having a sympathetic view of the British, a view not welcomed by the Government in view of the Brexit. *

*British Bulldog officially renamed Bullrush while any trace of Scottishness will be removed from Hopscotch.