I’ll Shift Me First Cousint Again So I Will Says Clogherhead Lass

“I’m just scarlet for him so I am,” gushed Clogher lass Linda after finally throwing the lips on first cousint Evan.

“He’s been looking at me funny since we were young. I knew he was mad for the shift when I invited him over to watch Netflix. He’s been over in ours enough to know that we don’t even have the internet – me da takes it out on the boats with him.

“Maybe he got confused as he’s very good looking and that happens with fellas but sure lookit we both enjoyed it and he knows I’d’ve rid his mickey down to a stump only me auntie Cora or his ma kem in looking for her sister who’s my ma. His ma told him to go home as his tea was ready. The moment was lost.”

Tina was glad to have bagged her fella after spending a whole jealous summer gooseberrying around while her cousint and best friend/second cousint Janih heavy petted in front of her, taunting her.

“When Janih finds out she’ll go mental she will but what’s it me da says? Blood is thicker than water? I don’t really understand what it means but it sounds like a good thing to message her, the slag.”

Rumours of cousin kissing are ten-a-penny out in Clogher, something  the King of Clogher, ‘Big Baz’, spoke to TFS about.

“We’ve been trying to shed the image that Clogher is just fishing and incest this long time. We can all accept that a hot and sultry second cousint is fair game at a dishco but first cousints? Too close to the boner. Morally it’s a moral quarry. It’s something that you’d expect around Dundalk where they have everything but morals – and only cos you can’t buy them or get given them by politicians.”

Tina hopes that things will work out with Evan. “I want to be more than just a CWB – Cousint With Benefits. He should take me out to the chipper and treat me right. I’m not just a Fuck Cousint you know.”

Evan has no say in the matter.