Dundalk & Navan Officially Filthier Than Drogheda

A street in either Dundalk or Navan, tree minutes after it was cleaned.

There were no surprises this week as the Tidy Towns competition released their annual results. The fair and clean town of Drogheda came second in her category to a town they call Ennis in a place outside the Pale called Clare.

Dundalk (309)

Anyone who has ever been north of Ardee or taken a wrong turn on the ring road around Dundalk will know the horrors that lie in wait. It’s much better than it was, much better, but it’ll never escape the stigma of being Dundalk. A local told TFS that the only reason they got such a high mark was because UEFA jetted in a team of street cleaners to make the town look somewhat presentable before a recent European game that was to be televised in Belarus of all places.

Judges’ Comments –

Judge A – A hole of place.

Judge B – A disgrace to towns.

Judge C – I thought it was the dump, literally.

Navan (285)

Navan fared badly. As Louth fans will know, the walk over to Pairc Tailteann is one paved with hope but the walk back to the car is paved with broken dreams, dodgy refereeing decisions and household litter blowing in the wind. If you’ve ever been to Navan for non-footballing reasons look up above the street level. There you’ll find people throwing their rubbish out of windows and plastic bags from the 1980s stuck to branches. This is better than looking down, where raw (is there ever any other type? Cooked?) sewage seeps through the cracked concrete footpaths and rats scurry along, making homes in the flytipped rubbish that adorns the streets.

Judge Comments –

Judge A – Hole. Should be stripped of townhood.

Judge B – Now I know what hell is.

Judge C – They can spell Navan the same in whatever direction they want. It’s hole whatever direction you approach it.

Drogheda (312)

A genuinely lovely clean town that has distanced itself from the bad old days of the late middle ages to the early 2000s. With bins strategically placed on busy streets and genuinely scary looking litter wardens patrolling the streets as part of community service and parole conditions, Drogheda has really excelled herself. With little or no litter, this charming, often ignored jewel in the Boyne is a credit to her peoples and to good, effective litter education from an early age. Local regional towns Navan and Dundalk should take note.

Judge A – I might trade in my summer home in St. Tropez for a townhouse on Peter Street. Charming, friendlyish and practically equidistant from Dublin and the United Kingdom.

Judge B – Rustic, local but not inbred – a wonderful place.

Judge C – For me, the tidiest town in Ireland, if not northern Europe.