Men’s Shed Turf War Heats Up

Drogheda Shedders keep watch for any incursions onto their territory by rebel Tullyallen Shedders.

Civic leaders and other local empty vessels have been quick to condemn the latest incident in the bitter feud between the Drogheda and Tullyallen Men’s Sheds.

In what is a worrying escalation of violence, the Tullyallen High Shed Dragon was kidnapped amid fears that he has been wood-turned to death.

The origins of the feud are not entirely clear however some believe it relates to a boundary dispute that erupted in January. Shedders from Tullyallen were spotted delivering slightly unstable garden furniture to a house in Marian Paak, a move that overstepped agreed territorial boundaries. Relations have been strained since.

The Tullyallen shedders would have gotten away with it too were it not for an eagle-eyed Drogheda shedder who immediately gave them a piece of his mind.

We spoke to local Rural Affairs Correspondent K.M Ní Asalín for some insight into the latest row.

“Ohhhh Jaysus ‘tis fierce bittur hai. Arthur that hincident in Marian Paak some of the shedders from Drawd kidnappen the Tullyallen Dragon, strapped him to a lathe and whittled him away to nuthin.”

Tullyallen shedders reacted by travelling to Ardee and robbing as much turf as their arthritis and bad backs would allow. The following day Gardaí confirmed that turf had been trun through the front windows of over 16 houses in the Drogheda area. The symbolism was obvious – this was a turf war.

This left Drogheda Men’s Shed with little option but to put out an ultimatum to all the other Sheds in Louth – ‘Youse are either with us or against us’. Early indicators show that the ultimatum has only gone and made the urban-rural divide more evident.

Gardaí called on the Armed Response Unit to be ready at a moment’s notice. “It’s a turf war,” said a Garda spokescop. “No doubting it.”