Letters To The Editor

These letters to the editor came in in the post as we don’t accept letters via email.

 Dear Sir,

First and foremost I would like to commend Drogheda’s punks on a very mannerly parade across the town this Sunday past. Punks of all ages and but not haircuts were out in force and it was great to see their respect for Borough Council bye-laws by sticking to the pavement and not marching down the road without a permit.

Up Yours,

The Late Joey Ramone,

New York via Newfield.

 


 

Dear Sir,

I recently had the pleasure of walking through the Holy Door in St. Peter’s. And what a wonderful adventure I had too, being instantly transported to St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome where I spent a couple of days roaming through the ruins of Ancient Rome and bobbing around cobbled streets of the Eternal City on a Vespa.

As we well know, Holy Doors are magic pathways between religious hubs. They are infrequently used and must be opened in complete synchronicity otherwise gaps appear in the space time continuum. The last time our Holy Door was opened was for the Pope’s visit in 1979.

I urge all Catholics to take advantage of this fantastic facility before the Holy Door is sealed again.

Yours etc,

Jim McSandwich,

Termonfeckin.

 


 

Dear Sir,

I am writing to your publication to warn people about a technical fault in the Holy Door in the Lourdes church. Having used Holy Doors for years as a cost effective way to go on family holidays, we were shocked to find ourselves not in Lourdes, France, but in Aleppo, Syria. You don’t want to be in Aleppo with an eight and a six year-old fighting over whose turn it is to use the iPad when the place is crawling with ISIS soldiers combing the city for infidels.

I urge church authorities to fix this glitch in the space time continuum before something much worse happens, like a family ending up in Dundalk. Or worse…Navan.

Yours etc,

Holly McHoly,

Five Oaks.


 

Dear Sir,

With the town losing its soul to the capitalism, champagne socialism and the mind-set of the Millennials would it not be a good idea to revive the tradition of lads sitting at the Thonsel. Surely some funding could be got.

Yours etc,

Splinters McGuffin,

Dublin Road.

 


 

Dear Sir,

I am an American. I’m trying to trace my ancestors. My great great grandfather came from Drogheda during the potato famine after being evicted by an evil landlord from a place called Meath. I would be grateful if anyone with the name Keiransis could contact me on either Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, Orkut, Facebuke, Google+, Über, Bebo, Foursquare, Pintrest, Tumblr, LinkedIn, Tinder, MySpace, Quora, XRAHeads or CucumberTown.

Yours etc,

Chuck ‘Cromwell’ Keiransis III,

Dundalk, Maryland, USA.


 

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