Local Politician Accused Of Creating New Potholes To Point At

An investigation has begun into ex-Fine Gael councillor Kevin Callan who was this week accused of creating new potholes in order to point at them.

Several reports have come in of potholes appearing overnight in the Drogheda metropolitan area. These reports have been accompanied with alleged sightings of the ex-Fine Gael man shuffling away from the scene with a sledge hammer wrapped in tea towels to muffle the sound.

Factory nightwatchman Gus Carter reported what he thought was gunfire early on Sunday morning. “I thought we were under attack but then I realised it was a lad making potholes with a hammer encased in bubblewrap. He obviously hadn’t thought it through.”

This gave rise to speculation that Callan is not a ‘lone wolf’ and may have help.

The reports are reminiscent of incidents last summer when a Donore based councillor was accused of stealing footpaths so he could point at where they used to be, why they weren’t there and what could be done to replace them. However, these claims were proven to be spurious and attributed to what is known in media circles as ‘the silly season.’

A pothole specialist has been brought in to verify the veracity of the claims. Pat Hole, Chief Road Inspector for County Louth, is the main authority on false pothole creation in the northeast.

“False potholes are easy to spot,” he said. “They’re generally off the driving line. And if I know Callan, his potholes will be to the right of that line.”

A report is expected sometime in September.