It is being reported that the late father of a local woman who married a Nigerian taxi driver has turned in his grave after hearing the news through the medium of prayer.
The discovery was made after his wife confessed her fears to the local priest shortly after daughter Shirley announced her engagement to local Nigerian Goodluck Amokachi.
“He wasn’t racist at all but he didn’t like way our town was going, too many blacks he’d say,” explained widow Doreen. “He’d be turning in his grave if he knew our Shirley was marrying one so he would.”
Ground penetrating sonar equipment was used to investigate the claim and sure enough earth x-rays showed that the late Archie had indeed turned 90°. Parish priest Fr. Jay-Jay Oliseh cautioned the family to wait until after the wedding to exhume and reposition the body.
“In cases like this a cool head is needed. The grave has been blessed with holy water which should prevent further turning,” he ecumenicked. “But more often than not the deceased will turn further during the wedding ceremony itself – and who can afford two exhumations to reposition their loved ones these days? Though our prices are very competitive.”
Widow Doreen has fallen out with her daughter over the marriage.
“I warned her I did. I said ‘You’re daddy’d be turning in his grave if he knew you were were marrying a black. Says I to her ‘Why couldn’t you marry one of the Kelly boys from up the road?’ But would she listen?! She had the cheek to call me and her poor father racists!”
Doreen put down her gin and grasped The Faa Side’s arm.
“I’m not racist at all but if you get a taxi at the rank with them they’ll turn on the meter and it always ends up dearer than calling a cab what’ll only charge you €6 home.’ How’s that racist? That’s just economics so it is.”