Man Who Dreamed He Died Not Sure If He’s Dead

A confused man scratching his head wondering why

A 36 year-old Mornington man who dreamt he died last night is unsure as to whether is alive or dead.

Emmet Cassidy hit the hay at about half past ten last night after having a cup of Aldi tea and a cheese toasty. Cassidy, who lives alone and can’t swim, remembers being chased into the sea and drowned by Meathmen. He then woke up. Or thinks he did. And therein lies the problem.

After being ignored by his cat, Cassidy drove to his shift as an etoll booth operator on the M1 where he rarely, if ever, comes into contact with humanity.

Posting an update on Facebuke, Cassidy was expecting friends and family to respond with some sort of emoticon. But there has been nothing. Unbeknownst to Cassidy, his psychologist saw the post and acted swiftly, contacting those known to the 36 year-old and instructing them to ignore all communication.

“If he was to suddenly realise that he’s not dead the shock would probably kill him,” said Consultant Psychologist Raheem Reilly of the Department of Localised Head Trauma at the Lourdes Hostipal. “The best we can do for him now is ignore him until he dreams he’s being born again.”

Local psychologists will tell you that this kind of recurring nightmare is common in the area. However, this is the first time that someone has actually died in the dream.

Reilly urged those who know Cassidy to ignore him until further notice. But before he could give more detailed guidance, he was called away to deal with the hysterical mother of a soccer mad 7 year-old who had woken up to her worst nightmare after repeatedly warning her son that if he didn’t stop playing football he’d wake up as one.

“Ah Jesus,” said Reilly as solo-ed the boy onto his lap. “Not another head the ball!”