Anyone Snacking During The New Bobby Sands Movie Will Be Kneecapped Confirm Sinn Féin

Cinema goers have been warned that should they consume any food while watching the latest Bobby Sands movie they will have to face the consequences.

A spokesbot for Sinn Féin confirmed that anyone seen chewing once the movie starts will be given a punishment beating at the very least. A full list of offensive foods will be shown during the trailers.

“It’s very disrespectful so it is. Those brave men died for The Cause™ so they did and to consume any food whatsoever is a deliberate and provocative insult to their memory.

“They will be dealt with accordingly – a punishment beating for a packet of Revels is the very least they can expect. And anyone eating popcorn will be kneecapped in both knees. Consider this prior warning. Kerry Gold.”

Sands was arrested after striking a blow against the Queen by blowing up the showroom of the Balmoral Furniture Company in Dunmurry in October 1976. The Queen herself was staying in Balmoral Castle in Scotland at the time.

Police denied any link between the two bar a shared name however recently released documents indicate that the company may have provided some bannisters for the Queen in the 1950s.

Bobby Sands: 66 Days is the sequel to the 2008 movie Hunger which starred Michael Fassbender as Bobby Sands and is released in Irish cinemas today.
Chewing gum is also prohibited.

Cinema shops are expected to charge customers the normal popcorn rate plus a 20% inconvenience fee for the pleasure of a rustle free experience.

It remains to be seen how Sinn Féin will police the Blu-ray and DVD releases. Party sources are tinkering with the idea of volunteers accompanying Blu-Ray and DVD rentals home or providing a streamable Shinnerbot for the Netflix release.