Oliver Plunkett’s Head To Be Refrigerated Due To High Temperatures

Emergency measures are being put in place to preserve the severed head of local saint Oliver Plunkett, according to the Parish Newsletter, Ah Holy God.

The move comes in light of unseasonably hot weather with temperatures set to hit 28C on Tuesday. Father Steve Davis initiated refrigeration after direct consultation with representatives of the Holy Father.

“We’ve had scares before,” said Fr. Davis. “In May worshippers noticed that St. Plunkett’s nose began to wilt. Thankfully on that occasion divine intervention repaired the nose. However, God can’t be everywhere at once. It was a sign.”

St. Peter’s has been plagued for years about the authenticity of the head with many believing it is a wax work commissioned after too many Protestants and a family of Jews moved into the town in 1921.

Monsignor Donnelly laughed off such allegations at the time. “That’s just nonsense, sure us Catholics just love dues.”

A local refrigeration company has been contracted in to make modifications to the display cabinet.

“We’ve had to commission a new state-of-the-art showcase but these things take time to design. In the meantime we’ve borrowed a mini-bar fridge from The Westcourt Hotel and taken out the shelves,” said Fr. Davis.

Business and mass will continue as normal tomorrow and there will be no disruption to the tourist trade. The new young priest, 52, has even picked up two new selfie-sticks in case it gets extra busy.

“One of the great things about these modern mini-bars is that an alarm does go off if anything is taken out of the fridge so any students thinking of making off with the head have been warned,” cautioned Fr. Davis.

Tourists have been asked to shut the fridge door when they’re done and not to let any bluebottles in.


 

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