Good republicans were celebrating a rare jobs boost for the town today as TD for local Sinn Féin issues Imelda Munster announced that Drogheda has secured sanction from the army council for the construction of the largest Shinnerbot factory outside of West Belfast.
“England’s difficulty is Ireland’s opportunity,” said Munster. “Brexit has opened the doors for republican robotics to relocate across the border and I’m pleased to announce that Drogheda is the ideal location for such investment. Tiocfaidh ár robotí!”
The Shinnerbot factory has been earmarked for the empty IDA Business Park on the edge of town. Locals have been quick to dub it the IRA Business Park.
It is thought that Drogheda was chosen as the perfect location due to its large republican educated workforce.
“We’ve been voting Dundalk SF candidates into the Dáil for years so we have so it’s nice to finally get something back,” said Marty Rooney, who has been selling An Phoblacht in pubs every Friday since 1979.
Cynics argue that the Shinnerbot factory will only benefit party members when it comes to jobs, a sentiment seemingly confirmed by Mrs. Munster.
“These 400 jobs will provide a much needed employment boost for the town. The building of the factory will give our republican brothers in the north some much needed construction work after cruel austerity measures were introduced up there by the power sharing government.
“The assembly line production of Shinnerbots here in Drogheda will have spill-over effects into other industries. For example, a Republican Institute of Technology is in the pipeline and the IT graduates from that will benefit by using their computer skills to monitor internet forums and downvote any anti-Sinn Féin comments while simultaneously donating their wages to the struggle – though being cyborgs we may not have to remunerate them.”
Sinn Féin also announced a partnership with an American company called Skynet, an industry leader in artificial intelligence. Cyberdyne Systems, a subsidiary of Skynet has also announced plans to open a research facility nearby.
What could possibly go wrong?