Brexit Fallout – DKIT to Offer Degree in Smuggling

The fallout from Brexit is already proving lucrative for the border counties as Dundalk Institute of Technology (DKIT) announced this morning that it will be running a Degree in Smuggling Studies this coming academic year. A taught Master’s will also be run on a pilot basis.

“We’ve been toying with the idea for a number of months now,” explained DKIT Registrar Pipes O’Diesel. “It’s a natural progression for the college and we’re very excited about adding it to our academic cannon. It feels right that the world’s first Degree and Master’s in Smuggling should be in the very place where smuggling was invented.”

Cú Chulainn and his gang were heavily involved in the smuggling of cattle from the Cooley peninsula to the west before turning gatekeepers as the practice became regulated by the High King in Tara.

DKIT have always been ahead of the curve when it comes to sensing the zeitgeist. In the 1990s, the college invested heavily in IT when nobody was sure if the whole computers thing was just a passing fad. So when talk of a Brexit referendum surfaced in 2012, feelers were put out to the master smugglers of North Louth to see if they would be interested in imparting their knowledge in an academic environment.

Back when DKIT was an RTC, its inaugural course was a 3 year FETAC Cert in Smuggling (students who had completed the FÁS apprenticeship went straight into the final year). However, the Good Friday Agreement in 1998 saw a decline in harmless cross border smuggling as ex-IRA men at a loose end took over the trade with the brutal psychopathic ruthlessness that only people who join paramilitary organisations possess.

The CAO have yet to announce how many points students will need but given that it is basically a licence to print money, it is expected to vie with Pharmacy, Medicine and Law at the top end of the points scale.

“There will be allowance for naturally talented but not academically gifted smugglers to enrol,” explained O’Diesel. “If you can get away with wearing budgie smugglers on a reglar basis you’ll have no problem fitting in.”