Man Too Lazy To Work Says He’d Be Over For The Euros If Only He Had A Job

A Drawda man with a chronic back problem and a permanent aversion to work has told punters at his local that were it not for that he’d be in France cheering on the boys in green.

Tommy ‘Dole King’ Cole, 32, held court in Donaghy’s Bar on Trinity Street during the Ireland v Sweden game on Monday evening. The work shy scallywag blamed the Fine Gael and Labour members of Drogheda Borough Council for his misfortune.

“Here I am sitting here with no job and only a pint in front of me for sustenance while they (Drogheda Borough Council) are over in Paris living up on tax payers money. It’s a fucking joke, that’s what it is.”

Friends of Tommys who saved up and went to the Euros agreed that it wasn’t fair at all that their friend had been left behind. “It’s a shame for Tommy alright. Society is to blame. Here we all are here in Paris getting our holes all over the shop with French birds and Tommy’s on his tod in Donaghy’s.”

Locals in the bar have set up a fund to get Tommy over to France. One local, who didn’t want to be named, told us this.

“I’ve put in €50 and so have three of me mates. It’d be great to get him out of here so we can enjoy the Euros without having to listen to him complaining all the time. Knowing our luck Ireland will be out by the time we raise enough money.”

Another local piped up.

“If he’s not complaining he’s giving a running commentary on whatever sport is on the telly like he’d actually pled the game. He just reads his opinions from The Star – He’s given up on The Sun since they got rid of the tits.”

Anyone who wants to donate to the fund can call in to the back bar in Donaghy’s and speak to the barman. Reglars have urged people to be swift and generous with their donations.