Dundalk changes name to Cumdalk for sex festival

Louth County Council has approved an application by Dundalk Councillors to temporarily change the town name name from Dundalk to Cumdalk after organising a sex festival for the town.

“It’s a risk going with the old sex angle but then again people do love a bit of the sex so they do and most good ideas for festivals have already been taken,” explained Phil Grogan, Junior Minister for Festivals That Make Towns Look Better Than They Actually Are.

“Dundalk, or rather Cumdalk, as it’ll be known for the May Bank Holiday Weekend, is a little bit unfortunate in that respect. We offered them Drogheda’s now defunct Samba Festival but Dundalk folk are proud and didn’t want sloppy seconds.”

The change of name will be in force from lunchtime today (Friday) until Monday night. It will not affect postal services as the town will revert to its traditional name before postal workers clock in on Tuesday morning.

cumdalkiii
Soon to be twinned with Fucking (Austria)

Cumdalk 2016 is aimed at sex enthusiasts of all ages and creeds and is more or less a strictly over 18s event. Chief organizer of the festival Randy Phalanx (not his real name) explained that while the festival is a lust fuelled extravaganza, responsible lust is top of their agenda.

 

“Folk here are hell-bent on going bareback so we’ve teamed up with Durex and Mullensis chipper and come up with the spicebag flavoured condom. Basically, it’s a spicebag with a baby wipe and an elastic. We’re hoping to penetrate the minds of young people as to the benefits of safe sex. And who knows, it might spice up the sex lives of married couples – they’ll have options after they finish their Friday takeaway now.”

Cumdalk 2016 spurts into action this Friday with a lunchtime gig from Will Smith and Jazzy Jeff in the Spirit Store who will be playing songs from their comeback tour Getting Jiggy With It.

A sizeable population of Drogheda folk were already moaning about Dundalk getting the sex festival. Dundalk has a reputation for always coming first in Louth.