We’ll beat whoever London are, says Kelly

Ambassador Kelly as seen through the tactics cloud.

Under review Renault Ambassador Colin Kelly spoke to press yesterday morning in a short, informal press conference.

“I’ve checked the map and I don’t see London on it. I’m just glad we’re not playing away! As you know, all our tactics are now up in the cloud, so any gaps or blindspots in it and we’d be relying on memory. And as we all know memory is a wispy mistress at the best of times.

“If I was to ask you to describe what your boss was wearing on Tuesday I’d say you’d be struggling, even if you’re your own boss. So that’s what the players and management do be up against if we can’t access the tactics cloud.

“Memory. It makes you feel sorry for old people – it’s one of the reasons they don’t play GAA anymore. Sure they don’t know who to be marking or what direction to be kicking in. The exception that proves the rule was Blackie Judge. Fablis player.”

Louth go in to the London game full of confidence after another defeat to arch rivals Meath.

“Meath bet us in our last game at home. But it was a close game and fair play to the Meath lads, they didn’t end up cheating the holes off themselves either. True, they were still filthy and had a man sent off. But they deserved the win.

After trialling a new sweeper system in the O’Byrne Cup, Amb. Kelly is confident that promotion is a distinct possibility.

“Off the record now. All the teams in this division are shite. I’m seeing the word cake and I’m seeing the word walk. And I’m putting them together and getting cakewalk. That’s what this’ll be. You can print that.


Louth play London at 1pm in the Gaelic Grounds in Drogheda at 12.30 in Darver! Fucking useless shamble of bastards.