Tá canbhasáil dul go han-mhaith a dúirt Adams

Gerry Adams poses beside a signed semtex work of himself.

Gerry Adams, emeritus TD for Sinn Féin and by twist of geographical fate, Louth, has described his latest canvass as perhaps his best to date.

“It’s been a cracking canvass I have to say,” sitcheayshuned Adams. “In my position as supreme leader of the party I don’t really have to canvass that much but I do. Our bots are programmed to vote for me even if I’m not on their ballot paper.”

Deputy Adams has often been asked what it is he actually does for Louth apart from having TD for Louth after his name. Adams was quick to respond.

“I’m often asked what it is I do for the people of Louth and that’s a valid question. People are quick to forget that if it wasn’t for me we’d never have had The Troubles for as long as we did or the economic benefits of the Good Friday Agreement. Tá mé ag dul Gaeilge a labhairt anois mar sin beidh tú a stopadh an líne amscaí cheistiúcháin. Is féidir liom ciall nach bhfuil tú focal de do theanga dhúchais féin. Téigh ar ais go Sasana.”

The Sinn Fein leader was canvassing on behalf of local Drogheda woman Imelda Munster.

“We’ve been getting a great reception here in … Drog-heda? This could be one of my best canvasses yet. Some people say to me ‘Gerry, why are you bothering going down to Drog-heda?’ and they’re right. But canvassing places not in my constituency, like Drog-heda, will help our candidates in Meath. It’s called strategy.”

Home dwellers were in no way intimidated by SF canvassers, said SF canvassers.

“Don’t be worrying about anyone with a clipboard marking your house with an X or a tick That’s just for our records. Nothing worth worrying about. Sure we know where you live anyway…”