Yellowbatter Sports Day

Yellowbattered husbands struggle to finish the snake in the sack race at last summers' games.

 This week in the Drogheda Leader, we had a look at Drogheda’s elite sporting event, Yellowbatter Sports Day…

Yellowbatter Sports Day is the premier sporting event in Drogheda, if not the Northeast. Unrivalled in terms of sporting prowess, it also examines the mental resolve of athletes.

As founder of the games Cllr. Frank Godfrey explained, “It’s like the Olympics meets DIFE. It’s as much a test of the body as it is the mind. A medal from Yellowbatter Sports Day is a family heirloom in the making.”

Increased television revenue has seen a dash of glamour introduced. Ladies Day is popular for girls with notions and farmers’ wives who use Bellewstown races as a trial run for their snobbery and new hats. The 500 sun bed hours ensure the event retains its competitiveness.

Hipster Day was brought in three years ago to cater for Drogheda’s bearded and those with WW1 haircuts. It’s a great opportunity to show the town what is trending up in Dublin. Along with the Iron Man of the Glen, this is the Games’ most prestigious event.

Competitors must do a half lap of the Yellowbatter Green on a fixie bicycle before launching a pop-up store in one of the estates’ pigeon lofts selling self-produced cheese and sustainable ideas before putting their tutting skills to the test in a series of withering put downs about the other athletes whole lives.

Medallers win a selection of man braids before they are still cool in an ironic way.

Along with the traditional events like running, jumping, hiding and tickling, the Games have adapted to cater for the changing lifestyle of today’s youth. Gaming competitions are held in the Boys Club. They test shooting and button tapping prowess. There is also a very competitive I Could Do That If I Was Bothered event.

Health and safety concerns have forced the traditional egg and spoon race into retirement over fears of eczema and gluten intolerance. The race is now carried out via a smartphone app and exercise bikes.

Back as usual is the horse racing where man races a horse around the green. “Riding a horse and calling it horse racing is like driving an automatic – it’s cheating,” said two time winner ‘Jocky’ Dyas. Other popular events include the massive game of World Cup at Little Wembley and the relay race for the Most Original Non-Traditional Family Unit.

The Iron Man of the Glen event is the embodiment of the Games. Competitors must eat a spice bag from Joe’s chipper before swimming from the Glen to Newgrange where they await instructions. The final task could be either a physical or mental exercise like a riddle or word search before the sprint back to Yellowbatter. Last year’s event was mired in controversy after competitors were tasked with growing a moustache in under an hour.

The Court of Arbitration for Sport will rule on whether last year’s ladies event favoured brunettes and those of Latin descent. Natural blonde Olivia Matthesis challenged the podium finish of rival Isadora Judge. “She’s always coming in the salon and getting her lips waxed. It was an unfair advantage. I just want justice.”

The Games get under way with the opening ceremony taking place at Little Wembley on the last Friday of July.