Eyesore thatched cottages nearly derelict

Locals after performing a rain dance to hasten the destruction of the ugly thatch cottages.

Drogheda residents have taken to social media to share their hopes that the town’s last two remaining thatched cottages will be finished off by the time F is reached on Met Éireann’s storm naming chart.

“It’ll be ironic (I think) if Storm Frank finally puts paid to the cottages,” commented local cottage hater Philby Collins, referring to Cllr. Godfrey’s thatch which was torched in 2008 after its mural depicting the Battle of the Boyne inflamed dangerous lunatics trapped in the 1970s.

Harty’s Cottage, as it is affectionately known in the area on account of it being called that, has been standing in the same place for nearly 200 years. There used to be a nice cow farmer there but he died, though a dog still lives there.

The Thatch Pub has no such excuses after being renovated during the Celtic Tiger and building a new pub beside the old pub with a fake thatch pub inside despite there being a real thatch pub outside.

Mayor Bell has consistently highlighted the issue but as is traditional with heritage matters and the Council, little or no positive action has been taken. Faa Side reporters could find nobody who supported Mayor Bell’s conservation efforts.

Harty's Cottage - a constant painful reminder of our peasant roots.
Harty’s Cottage – a constant painful reminder of our peasant roots.

Local republican Gizmo Shields sympathises with the owners of the two cottages who appear to have abandoned their properties. “I think I speak for the republican community in the town when I say we stand in solidarity with the owners’ decisions not to repair the cottages. They’d have to contract a Thatcher. There’s no way any decent Irishman would support such a symbol of English oppression. Brits out!”


“Do they have wifi? No. Get rid.” – Wayne Paul Keegan, Social Digital Studies student, DIFE.

“Don’t trust Labour. They’ll say they’ll save the thatches but then give them as presents to Denis O’Brien or find some way to crush the working classes with them.” Tommy Cromweldon, Direct Democracy.

“Thatch attracts loners. There’s enough weirdos in this town already… We don’t need to be actively attracting paedophiles. Keep our kids safe. ” – Janice Costigan, College Rise Parents Against Potential Paedophiles.

“Em Hell-o? This is the 21st Century people! Buildings need to cater to our needs now, not the whims of potential future tourists that don’t even exist yet. Get real.” – Fran Burke, realist, urban thinker, Yellabatter.

“There’s a housing crisis caused by the Government cos of the water charges and now they want us to live in thatch cottages?! Labour! Labour! Labour! Out! Out! Out! – Archie Keiransis, Drogheda Says No to Water Charges.