Entries open for Best Christmas Widow 2015

Judges are excited after the high standard of last year's widows.

This festive season, the town’s Spectacular Christmas Bonanza and The Faa Side want to find Drogheda’s Best Christmas Widow 2015.

Organisers have added an international flavour to this year’s competition by allowing Skype entries from the diaspora. The controversial ruling comes after financial pressure from sponsors to improve the overall beauty of the entrants.

The truth of the matter is that in this age of austerity, community competitions are in the pocket of the advertisers. It is sad to see one time pillars of the community plastered in advertising. A wise man down the Admirals commented after United Park whored itself out…

“Give it fifteen years and nuthing’ll be sacred, not even the Christmas Widow.”

With The Faa Side as Best Christmas Widow 2015 sponsor, the winners will feature prominently in the magazine and each will receive a special commemorative plaque, a hug and a six month subscription to Lonely Hartes, our in-house dating site, should they wish. If Mr. & Mrs. Drogheda Widow 2015 hook up they win a speed boat.

The large amount of entries last year convinced organizers to expand the range of categories for this year’s extravaganza. After studying similar events around the country, the committee are confident they’ve got the right blend to make our event the national benchmark.

The most prestigious accolade is, as always, The Blackest Widow, which is handed out for most widowings and will be awarded by Catherine Nevin via Skype from Mountjoy. Best Dressed Widow and the Widow That Moved on Too Fast are always competitive and there has already been a glut of unsolicited entries for the Widow Most Likely to Remarry and Most Coveted Widow.

Among the new categories are Goldigga Widow, Gangsta Widow, White Collar Widow, Scrote Widow, Traveller Widow and Merriest Widow. A brutal schism in the golfing and pitch n’ putt fraternities has resulted in the traditional Golfing Widow award being renamed as the Widow Who Never Thought She’d Say It But is Better Off Now Himself is Gone. The Pitch n’ Putt Widow remains unchanged and alongside the Bingo Widow, is perhaps the most competitive of the lot.

Judging will take place over the Bonanza Weekend, Friday 27th – Sunday 29th with the winners being contacted early the following week. Winning widows must be available to do promotional activities.

The Best Christmas Widow 2015 judges are the veritable Fists McKevitt, Artistic and Spiritual Director at Tullyallen Erotic Art Collective, Black Friday, Johnny Logan, ex-Louth minor and singer, Shanks, President Eddie Phelan, Drogheda & District Chamber of Commerce, Cllr. Kevin Callan, Bonanza Committee and Mayor Paul Bell, Drogheda & Portsmouth Borough Councils.

As always, the competition is open to both widows and widowers. Entrants must have been widowed within the past five years. This is a strict condition as records will be checked. The competition is not open to the nearly widowed and entrants will be disqualified. Spouse must be deceased by the entry deadline.

To enter just fill out an application form, available from thefaaside@gmail.com.