Official Borough Council, republican and dissident Remembrance Sunday event notes

Local citizen, political and dissident community groups chipped in together to remember the fallen.

Official Borough Council event – Sinn Féin boycott event – IRA event cancelled – RIRA boycott of Borough Council event & boycott of SF boycott event – CIRA boycott of Borough Council event, boycott of SF boycott event and boycott of RIRA boycott event – Republican Bingo results 

Official Borough Council Memorial Event

Mayor Bell has congratulated citizens after the annual act of commemoration at the Cenotaph passed off without any fatalities or major poppy related incidents. The Cenotaph gathering commemorates the brave, foolhardy and mostly primary school educated men of Drogheda and District who made splendid imperialist cannon fodder on the battlefields of Europe and the even further afield during the First and Second World Wars.

The mayor, accompanied by the West Brit elements of Drogheda Brass Band, performed a medley of Glenn Miller hits after the laying of the poppy wreath at exactly 11 seconds past the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month of this year. The event was pre-recorded and will be 3D Hologram projected onto the Cenotaph on the 11th for traditionalists.

Poppy wearers will recall that last year’s events were marred by a low attendance after an avoidable administrative error saw the date selected from the now defunct Julian calendar.

IRA Boycott of War Memorial Event

The annual IRA boycott of the annual act of commemoration at the Cenotaph for the cowardly soup taking Brit lovers of Drogheda and District who shunned responsibility to Cathleen Ní Houlihan by aiding and abetting the old enemy during her time of deepest need was cancelled this year as the IRA doesn’t exist at all so it doesn’t.

All previous boycotts from 2005 to 2014 were expunged from the (re)public(an) record and attendees are encouraged to claim tax and fuel credits for any donations to the struggle given during this period.

Sinn Féin Boycott of War Memorial Event

The annual boycott of the annual act of commemoration at the Cenotaph for the cowardly soup taking Brit lovers of Drogheda and District who shunned responsibility to Cathleen Ní Houlihan by aiding and abetting the old enemy during her time of deepest need took place one step ahead of the establishment at the in no way illegally constructed (and in no way circumventing or defying planning laws) National Hunger Strike Monument near McDonalds on the dual carriageway at exactly 10 seconds past the tenth minute of the tenth hour of the thirty first day of the tenth month of this year.

A great time was had by all despite all the papers except An Phoblacht and the Westmeath Militiaman giving the party a hard time. Bobby and the Letter Bombs performed dubstep versions of all the best rebel songs and after the boycott was realised it was confirmed by Gerry Adams that the IRA didn’t exist at all, even in the multiverse. Members then dispersed to man anti-water charge road blocks.

 A poem by Slane poet Francis Ledwidge was read out and officials pretended to recognise it. Photo: Colin Bell/pressphotos.ie
A poem by Slane poet Francis Ledwidge was read out and officials pretended to recognise it.
Photo: Colin Bell/pressphotos.ie reimagined by Fists McKevitt/Tullyalleneroticartcollective.ie

RIRA Boycott of Sinn Féin Boycott of War Memorial Event

The annual boycott of the annual Sinn Féin boycott of the act of commemoration at the Cenotaph for the cowardly soup taking Brit lovers of Drogheda and District who shunned responsibility to Cathleen Ní Houlihan by aiding and abetting the old enemy during her time of deepest need took place at the perfectly legally constructed memorial to the lad what died fighting the Brits on the Marsh Road at exactly 19 seconds past the 16 minute of the 19th hour of the 16th day of the 19th month of the new calendar the Real IRA have been using since those traitorous bowler hat loving scum Sinn Féin sold out Ireland’s soul by signing the Good Friday Agreement and becoming defacto Brit controlled cricket playing proto Protestants bastards. Numbers were down on last year.

CIRA Boycott of Real IRA Boycott of Sinn Féin Boycott of War Memorial Event

The annual boycott of the annual RIRA boycott of the Sinn Féin boycott of the act of commemoration at the Cenotaph for the cowardly soup taking Brit lovers of Drogheda and District who shunned responsibility to Cathleen Ní Houlihan by aiding and abetting the old enemy during her time of deepest need took place at the perfectly legally constructed memorial to the lad what died fighting the Brits on the Marsh Road at exactly 19 seconds past the 16 minute of the 19th hour of the 16th day of the 19th month of the new calendar the Continuity IRA have been using since those traitorous bowler hat loving scum Sinn Féin sold out Ireland’s soul by signing the Good Friday Agreement and becoming defacto Brit controlled cricket playing proto Protestant bastards.

The boycott was carried out by CIRA members who ignored their RIRA counterparts until someone mentioned the word picnic.

An impromptu picnic was then enjoyed by both groups of lunatics and a hamper of soup and sambos was shared before a sityayshin arose which was only partly resolved by each party shouting down the other in the traditional northern manner of speaking.

They then split into a further unhinged dissident groups and vowed to boycott their respective splinter groups at next year’s event if they hadn’t by then brought the Queen to her knees by shooting pizza delivery boys (in which case an amnesty would be put in place).

Northern Bank Bingo 

There were no overall winners of the bingo this week, so like last week it will snowball. Next week the jackpot is over £5.8 million.


 

All Groups considered their events resounding successes.

The Drogheda Independent will be releasing a special commemorative war edition of the paper next week lest we forget.

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