Dominicans to display Class 1 Relic in bid to stave off closure

Mother Teresa's mummified corpse will be displayed on a pay as you see basis from Sunday

In a last ditch attempt to keep Drogheda’s Dominican church open, the Order has announced it has secured exhibition rights to display the mummified remains of Mother Teresa.

An eight strong entourage from Drogheda recently travelled to Rome for a weekend to ask the omnipresent Christian God not to close the Drogheda branch Dominican church, which has had a presence in the town since 1224, the year, not the time.

While The Man Upstairs™ was non-committal on the issue, he did suggest maybe glitzing the place up a bit and getting in a better class of relic. He castigated the delegation for its lack of authentic relics and suggested they had taken their eye off the ball.

“Who’s gonna bother going to see a wax work of St. Bernadette when you have the actual hip bone and head of St. Oliver Plunkett up the road? Come on lads! Up yisr game! It’s not as if Catholicism hasn’t been a market driven commodity since like whenever…Ah lads, you didn’t think that did ye? Ah now for fu…Jesus!”

“Yes boss?”

“Sort out these lads with a six monther on Mother Teresa’s corpse will you? No miracles but full merchandising and image rights. And let them move her limbs as well. The thumbs up always brings in the younger crowd. Oh yeah, and say until Easter so they can get the Lent spike out of it. And get them to meet what’s his face to hammer out the details, do the contracts, PR and all that jazz will you? Cheers.”

“No worries boss, I’ll let St. Christopher over in Transport know and bcc Yourself on the email.”

Mother Teresa after being taken out of cold storage.
Mother Teresa after being taken out of cold storage.

While the heavenly dig out is great, it is a just a temporary measure and the Dominican presence in the town is still very much up in the air. What happens when the beatified Albanian is put back into cold storage is still anyone’s guess. Father Kev from the Augustinians is taking a philosophical view of the developments.

“I remember us both celebrating when we saw off the Franciscan challenge. We both benefitted from the spill over. If I’m honest with myself I hope they close. It’ll show that we’re the best and that’s what it’s all about really… But there’s that nagging feeling that you need a rival. Supporting Celtic just isn’t the same anymore without Rangers. It’s too easy.”

A spokesacristan for the Order was delighted with the weekend’s work.

“If we don’t get the punters after this we may give up altogether. She’s a Class 1+ relic she is, St. Peter’s’ll be sick so they will! They don’t come bigger than this.”

Mother Teresa will be on show in the Priory from after Sunday mass.

Tickets available from Ticketmaster priced €20 for adults, €19.50 for students, the white haired and children. Family ticket (two adults two children) €78.99.