1 – Catch one of the farewell masses in the Dominican church
God, who also goes by the stage names ‘Yahweh’, ‘Lord’ and ‘Heavenly Father’, has been gigging in the Dominican church since 1224.
However, a lack of sold out gigs in recent years have forced the Heavenly Father’s management company to call a halt to what was effectively a permanent residence in St. Dominics.
“We’re actually losing souls keeping this joint open? Even Special Guest Father Cyril Makanaky from the missions couldn’t turn it round. Sometimes you just gotta pull the plug,” a moving statue of St. Peter seemed to say.
The Lord did send a message out to his fans, directly into their consciousness.
“Hey guys, no biggie. I’ll still be giggin’ round the town in the Augustinians and the Lourdes and I do do the odd guest spot on Saturday nights in Mell. Peace out. Yahweh ✞.”
2 – Get a treatment at the Lourdes hospital
Local hospital Our Lady of Lourdes has been in the headlines recently, topping all sorts of national charts. So why not head down and check out the facilities first hand?
Treatments start at €100 for the basic A&E package while for an extra €40 a personalised service with pick up and siren escort is available from West Street every Saturday night from around 2am on a first come first served basis.
The elderly are particularly well catered for with many of them benefitting from a bonus night or two at no extra cost if they are game for spending the night in the bohemian connecting rooms between wards. Some are so impressed they never leave.
3 – Take a selfie with Oliver Plunkett’s severed head
St. Peter’s is now renowned for its early championing of the selfie stick and was the first church to rent them to tourists. While nowadays the selfie stick rental business is a veritable cash cow for the parish, things weren’t always as clean cut.
Initially the plan met fierce ecumenical opposition at bishoprick level. But maverick priest Fr. Silvio took a leaf out of Fr. Iggy’s bible and ploughed ahead with the plan anyway and to hell with the consequences. As the cash rolled in the proposed banishment to Nobber was shelved, Fr. Silvio did the media circuit charming the whole spectrum of chat show hosts from Tubridy to Ellen.
Father Silvio quipped that Saint Oliver himself has been known to raise an eyebrow and give a cheeky grin on occasion.
4 – Check out the Louth Senior Football Championship Final at the
O’Rathalaigs O’Rathallays Gaelic Grounds
Long suffering Louth supporters are in for a treat this weekend when the Pats, possibly the greatest club side to come from the Wee County, take on last year’s intermediate champs the O’Mahoney’s at the Gaelic Grounds on Sunday afternoon.
It’s a great opportunity to see country folk up close and study their mannerisms. Many of them are easily riled so make sure to position yourself near a lone farmer with unplucked nasal hair and a warm jumper. There is a mixed zone at half time by the tea and latte stand with discounted beverages available for minglers. The half time draw won’t be won by you, it never is.
The game itself should be of a high standard with many of the good players Louth used to have on show. Should you miss the soccer though, local bar Mother Hughesis has all the English sports on or you could take a trip down to The Cross for a nice craft beer and a game of jenga.
5 – Enjoy the last of the Indian Summer at the Sunshine Bar
Drogheda’s oldest bar is back open for business. All you need is a few cans, a bottle of buckie, some smokes and a bag of glue and or a baton of Prittstick. Though some regulars can be a bit touchy, the views from under the Viaduct are spectacular and kinda romantic around twilight.