New Illuminati programme launched in Drogheda

Members of the Boyne Valley Illuminati celebrate the launch of the new programme. Picture: Drogheda Life

The Boyne Valley Illuminati are looking for new female members.

The new illuminati programme was launched at Hell Enterprise Hub today at 13.00 hours and is funded by Coca-Cola Illuminati Services. The Illuminati has a long and proud tradition in and around Drogheda and this is a unique opportunity for ambitious females to become members.

Only 13 participants will be selected for this programme which will fast track females from the world of business for illumination. Not all participants will become enlightened but those trainees who make the most sacrifices as possible during the 6 week program will achieve a Class I and the status of “Illuminatus Minor.”

A knowledge of Freemasonry or a Masonic relative is an advantage but not essential. An all seeing eye for detail is essential. “The devil is in the detail,” said Albert Pike, Grand Architect of the Boyne Valley Illuminati.

The course is subsidised by local members. The fees are €666 per person. The course commences on Friday October 13th and will require attendance at one ritual per week minimum.

The grande finale of the course will take place at Coca-Cola Illuminati Services Lodge on December 13th where trainees will be initiated in front of a specially selected panel.

To be considered, mark your bedroom door with the blood of your first borne, or if sterile, a mountain goat from Cooley will suffice. Then phone 041 9813666 and wait for instructions.

Jesuits need not apply.