Ever Tried. Ever quit. No matter. Try again. Quit again. Quit better.

Drogheda Quitters Club HQ

Quitting can have negative connotations. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Ger Finglas from the Drogheda Quitters club spoke to The Faa Side about changing that mentality.

“People have a negative association with quitting which is unfair. But that’s because they assume that quitters are losers. But that’s a false rationale. Lots of people in our group have successfully given up harmful vices like religion, booze, smoking, happy slapping, Storm Niteclub and even Dundalk.”

“We helped local barber Dom Wilton quit politics and concentrate on what he does best; DJing while cuttin’ hair. His political ambitions are currently in remission. Our door is always open to politicians of all abilities. ”

“Generally we draw our membership from the New Year’s Resolutions bandwagon, you know, those grown-ups that still think like children. We’ve the same old faces every year. They quit whatever nonsense they’ve signed up to and come to us for support. Then they quit us. It perpetuates a cycle of failure that is hard to break out from.”

“We have a group of behavioural and genetic scientists from DIFE studying our members. They’ve found that after X amount of generations, DNA mutates to incorporate this quitting gene. The Neanderthals, the Beaker People and the dinosaurs had it. They’re not here anymore so as a race we need to be mindful.”

“Our year starts typically in mid February when people realise they’ve been deluding themselves. Meetings are packed until the summer. Folk seem to think the weather will help them become better people. I’ve never understood that. Especially with the shite weather in this kip. Subscriptions rocket from September to Christmas.”

“We’re not particularly busy during Lent. We tend not to associate with those who punish themselves for pleasure. We leave that to the church.”

“What we call the Jackie Skelly model is our most popular plan. We’ve set it up in a way that makes it infuriatingly complicated and needlessly bureaucratic to cancel the subscription. Basically we buy lapsed gym memberships at a reduced rate and take our cut. We get great return business.”

“Our longest serving member is Jem. He can’t not quit Meath. He’ll go cold turkey and move into Drogheda but after a few months the quittin’ gene switches back on so he quits Louth and heads back over the border. It’s his kids I feel sorry for. They’ll spend their formative years in that cultural chasm between Donore and Drogheda. They’ll grow up doomed to repeat the patterns of their parents. By the time they’re adults they’ll think Meath is normal. I’ve seen it before. There is no cure.”

“Jem aside, I suppose you could say our biggest success was helping all those poor families north of the Boyne quit Co. Meath when they redrew the county borders in the 1970s. South Drogheda is a much more prosperous place for it. That’s our lasting legacy.”

Drogheda Quitters has been running on and off for 30 years. Meetings take place the second Tuesday of the month when there are 31 days in the month.