‘Children of the Ramparts’ to get own statue

Drogheda Borough Council have announced that they are set to unveil yet another statue in the Ramparts area of the town, this time in honour of the thousands of children conceived there over the last century.

The announcement comes just weeks after the unveiling of controversial artwork The Wanderer at Dominic’s Bridge which cost a reported €65,000 to construct.

With opinions divided, many locals believe the statues to be a waste of valuable resources, with some believing the funds could have been better spent erecting condom vending machines on the back of life-buoys along the Boyne.

Research from DIFE has shown that the placing of prophylactic dispensers on the back of public fixtures helps lessen  unwanted pregnancies as well as distracting the scroat from his goal of vandalism. The whiff of a sexual encounter quickly switches the scroat brain from its default attack setting to its other setting – lust. Most of the time the scroat will wander off in search of scroatettes to rut with but occasionally he will make do whatever is in front of him, inanimate or not.

Navan man Neil Delaney, who was conceived on a bench in the area in 1989, believes the statue will have a positive impact on the area and will attract more visitors to the park.

“I’m excited to see it to be honest. I was conceived here in the late 80s when me mam visited Drogheda for a night out. But she only’d enough money for either a taxi back to Navan or a hotel room. Naturally she chose the taxi.

“She took the lad what she met in Luciano’s disco back to the Ramparts for some hanky panky. She told me she can’t remember his name…Eric or Johan or Martin or something like that she says…But she can remember he’d a strapping set of thighs on him and she was that bow-legged after she had to lie on her back in the back seat until three mile past Slane. Unbeknownst to her this position probily helpid the conception. If there’d been a horse available for her to ride back on I wouldn’t be here now.

 “See there was no 24 hour garages at the time for her to pick up any johnnies either like. Only some dodgy looking lads selling black market ones on Dominic’s Bridge. She decided to take her chances…So that’s how I came about.

 “What’s also great about the statue is that many of the children are now playing in the playgrount where they were conceived, just across from the statue there. So that’s poignant. For me it completes the circle of life. Perhaps one day their children will be conceived in this park too.”

Many Ramparts Children have gone on to live upwardly mobile lives, with at least three rising through the ranks at Supervalu to become award winning Vegetable Section Assistant Managers in the Northeast while another operates machines up in Dublin.

The official unveiling of the specially commissioned statue Moment of Conception by Tullyallen Erotic Art Collective is set to take place on the first Tuesday in October by Cllr. Shanks whose notoriously raunchy DJing sets whetted knickers from Navan to Cavan and stiffened boys from Nobber to Newtownstallaban during the 70s and 80s.

The date has also been chosen to accommodate the vast majority of the Mothers of the Ramparts Children solidarity group who will be getting the buses in to collect their children’s welfare cheques. A civic reception in Drogheda Borough Council offices will take place after the unveiling.

Storm is also open from 2pm.