Drogheda affairs website NatashaButchins.com hacked

A group of hackers who threatened to release sensitive data about thousands of cheating Natasha Butchins website users last month have apparently fulfilled their promise after the site’s owner refused to take the resource “offline permanently in all forms.”

A massive dump of data just short of 70 megabytes was released on the dark web on Thursday by the Impact Team group claiming to be behind the scandalous Natasha Butchins hack. The data appears to include sensitive customer information, such as payment transaction and credit card details, emails, names, addresses, phone numbers, (male) member profiles and the depraved sexual fantasies of Drogheda’s banking and charity shop communities.

Although it is unknown how much of the personal data is legit, given that people seeking an affair would in all likelihood fill out a profile with fake details, the hack is still expected to result in massive public outcry and embarrassment around Drogheda and her environs. The data leak has caused ripples of quiet panic throughout the suburbs after numerous email addresses ending in @louthcoco.ie, @lmfm.ie and @svp.ie were discovered during initial scans of the data.

Local talking head Jim Healy spoke to TFS about the unfolding scandal.

“The only ones what’ll not be embarrassed is the golfing crowd. Those rich bastards have nothing to hide. They’re masters at this game sure they have it down to a tee. It’s the pitch and putt lads I’d be worried about. Some of them fancy themselves as big shots, and everyone knows you won’t get into any links course without having an affair or two. There’ll be wigs on the greens so there will. Mark my words.”

Online security analysts and social media users scanning through the leaked database have, for example, already noticed an email address which appears to belong to Fists McKevitt, spiritual leader of the Tullyallen Erotic Art Collective. But since the affair website does not require email address verification some noted that anyone could have used it to set up a fake account. However, when contacted by TFS, Mr. McKevitt was his usual candid self.

“Yeah sure I was doing artistic research through the site. We’ve (Tullyallen Erotic Art Collective) a big project coming up in the Spring exploring the relationship between the phallic symbols of industry and people’s propensity to have affairs. The royal we were focusing on the old Greenhills mill and Premier Periclase, which incidentally we will be painting pink and purple for the mooted Drogheda Affairs Festival in May, though that’s dependent on Borough Council funding.”

A spokesacristan for the Save the Dominican Church Facebook group issued a statement on the matter after a grey haired procession from the Dominican Church to LMFM.

“The moral decrepitude highlighted by the data breach at the reprehensible NatashaButchins.com infidelity site can be seen as a sign from God Himself. Speaking on God’s behalf, I see a town mired in filth and low morals. I see a town that has discarded the sanctity of holy marriage – a marriage already badly eroded by a Godless referenda holding government. In many ways though, this data breach of adulterers is a Godsend for us Dominicans, for it is now more than ever that Drogheda needs the holy hands of the Dominicans to guide it through this lusty epoch of Bacchanalian excess. If this is not a sign I don’t know what is. Please don’t close the church.”

A selection of the leaked email addresses from local infidelity site Tasha.
A selection of the leaked email addresses from local infidelity site Tasha.

Seventy per cent of husbands contacted by TFS admitted that they will be clocking off at five this evening. Henrique, a local banker spoke to us  on the condition we didn’t use his surname, had this to say.

“Even though those monthly sales figures are due at tomorrow’s AGM, there’s no point in staying late at the office as herself’ll accuse me of having an affair. And if I do go and meet Shirley at The City North sure I’ll be late anyways and accused of having an affair either way. You can’t win. Yeah, best be home early, that way if she doesn’t come home early too I’ll know she’s having an affair. Though maybe she’s thinking like I am and will come home early like nothing has happened. God this data breach is such a headache!”

 

Drogheda Borough Council has put a statement up on its website addressing the situation.

“As your elected moral leaders, we urge caution in light of the data breach at popular local adultery site NatashaButchins.com. Citizens should not rush into any decisions they may regret at a later stage. After much deliberation and consultation, we have concluded that women also have affairs. As your representatives we have put a formal application for the internet to be turned off in the South Louth region until things have calmed down. Thank you.”

Tasha, as the site is commonly referred to by those in the know, has been taken down pending an internal investigation. However if history has taught us anything, it is that a similar site will pop up and take its place.