Blessing of the boats — Anti-Traveller Summer Camp in Baltray — Sheepdogging in Termonfeckin — Harmony Heights residents rally against new resident with council estate mentality — New words for Duleek — Collon monks in hair donation call — Swastika graffiti not us say Sandpit Nazis
The ideals of The Enlightenment will be suspended on Sunday afternoon as Fr. Pat Mac an tSagart performs the Blessing of the Boats in the harbour. Crews will be asked to turn off any electrical equipment on their trawlers lest it interfere with the prayers to our Lord. A special talk on the pointlessness of swimming will also be given by Fr. Pat as well as a crash course in walking on water. There will be a collection for the church and a group prayer for the fishermen.
Parents who have not yet enrolled their children in this year’s Anti-Traveller Summer Camp are instructed to do so without further ado. This year’s theme is on the traveller and technology – challenges and pitfalls. No settled travellers, parish records will be checked back to 1700.
The fifth Annual Sheepdog trials are to be held on the last Sunday of this month. Renowned dog handler Hans Flanagan, whose father trained Hitler’s German Shepard Blondi, will oversee the event. Sheepdogging is a serious and necessary business. Jewish sheep dogs are advised to be on their toes. Accidents have happened.
Residents of Harmony Heights are appealing to the newest homeowner in the estate to cease dumping his rubbish in the public bin opposite the school. The residents association wish to remind the new homeowner that while such behaviour may be acceptable and even applauded in council estates, it is considered uncouth and socially deviant for a mature private estate. Further instances will result in action being taken, including orders that children be ignored.
A pilot scheme aimed at increasing adult literacy in Meath kicks off this weekend at the fair as seven new words are to be released in Duleek. Hello at 3/1 is being heavily backed by outsiders while please 8/1, cousin 11/2 and shift 12/1 are early front runners.
The scheme is being tested in conjunction with a social behaviour plan aimed at decreasing the violent anti-social behaviour that has plagued the county since Dublin began its expansion in the early 2000s.
The IT monks of Collon are branching out this year in their annual call for hair donations. The monks traditionally pride themselves on using locally sourced hair for their hairshirts. However recent a falloff in Believers coupled with an increase in male pattern baldness in the area has seen the itch count of the monks hairshirts fall dangerously low. Abbot Jeff is calling for Collon’s #Beliebers to step in to fill void.
Local Sandpit Nazis have distanced themselves from recent acts of road graffiti and bad spelling around the border with Meath. A spokesman for the Sandpit branch said that if it were the Nazis, they would have staged a more bombastic and stylish intimidation.