Mayor Bell denounces modern art

Mayor Paul Bell

Drogheda’s arts community was reeling this afternoon as it woke up to a double headache on hearing the news that Mayor Bell has announced modern art to be rubbish. Mayor Bell, in this third sitting as town mayor, was responding to the new sculpture at Dominic’s Bridge.

Mayoral denunciation

It is thought that the mayor has had several private viewings of the installation, including from the council barge and from the saddle of the mayoral horse. A final attempt to understand the sculpture using Google Street View and 3-D glasses also failed.

“I’ve weighed up public opinion and it seems to have come down against the

Bird? What bird?
Bird? What bird?

art installation. I’ve used the instinct of the common man and indeed woman and found the whole thing incomprehensible. I am brave enough to say I don’t understand it so stop trying to convince me to see something that I cannot,” he maybe-you-could-explain-it-to-me-over-a-long-lunch-in-a-relaxed- environmented to the arts community.

Publicity shy Bell, who was in the right place at the right time to photograph a swan queuing up at the McDonald’s Drive Thru in January, was at pains to explain that no council money was wasted on the project.

“I would like to reassure citizens that NO MONIES from our Council were granted IN ANY WAY to fund the project which belongs to an organisation which has NO RELATIONSHIP with the Municipal Borough of Drogheda,” he pandered to the Direct Democracy supporters in a vain effort to stop them denouncing him on Facebook for deeds real and imagined which are completely unrelated to the topic at hand.

Arts community hit back

Drogheda Arts Council spokeslady Caoimhe Ó Maonlaí, who goes by her Irish name to get street cred in the arts world, was disappointed by the mayor’s denunciation.

Drogheda Arts spokesperson Caoimhe Ó Maonlaí at home with her harp soon after hearing of the mayor’s comments.

“I think I speak for all of us when I say how disappointed I am in the mayor. Cllr. Bell is in a position to influence the young people of Drogheda who unless they leave or are lucky in the nepotism lottery, are in for a life of wasting their dole money on scratch cards or driving forklifts around.

“The arts help young people stimulate their imagination and creativity which they can then use as a springboard to escape to bigger and better things. Imagination is required in all fields of labour. Mayor Bell is quick to point out that Drogheda Borough Council are in no way responsible for the recent art installation. Will he be as quick to distance himself from Irish Water when it fails?

“While I commend the mayor on his bravery for admitting he can’t see the bird or the woman walking down the hill, I suggest that he take the time to engage with the arts community and let us show him that art is not the preserve of the intellectual, but that plebs can appreciate it too once it’s explained to them,” she let-me-get-dinner-in-D’Vine-and-explain-art-and-you-throw-some- extra-funding-our-wayed to Mayor Bell.

The Faa Side has bugged D’Vine and will report on the meeting as soon as it happens.