Drogheda Borough Council has been airing its dirty linen in public once again, this time in a spat over allowances. Faa Side political correspondent Tonbridge Harding gets the scoop on a new fundraising initiative aimed at keeping Drawda’s political elite with clothes on their backs and food on their tables.
A new voluntary committee has been set up to raise funds for hard pressed Drogheda Borough councillors. The group met in the D Hotel earlier this week to decide on a number of fund raising events for the ten councillors. The meeting was swiftly concluded thanks to nine of the councillors agreeing on things beforehand through use of a clandestine WhatsApp group, a necessary tool given Cllr. Godfrey’s propensity to take over committees. By the time Cllr. Shanks arrived, things had been set in stone.
Council spokesperson Joan Murphy, a demure middle-aged former Mitzi employee, said that the meeting was the result of recent debates, discussions and outright fighting on local radio which saw a spontaneous outpouring of grief for the right honourable members based on their having to spend their allowances on anything and everything apart from themselves.
“There was a general disbelief adin at the meeting that the Mayor had to pocket his mayoral allowance and then spend it on the Boomerang Café. Where, we all wondered, would he get the money for all the photographs showing him handing over the cheque?”
It was also noted that Cllr. Munster had been forced to take the €6000 that she is getting and then find eligible charities to give it to.’ “In the name of God,” said Ms. Murphy. “It’s an intolerable burden on them all and as they’re always there for us we’ll be there for them.” Lovingly looking at a photo of the ten she said “I won’t forget youse.”
It is understood that a flag day for the councillors will be held shortly. Transition year students are expected to help out and various designs for the flags are currently under consideration. There will also be a church gate collection. It has yet to be decided when this will take place as it is dependent on the St. Vincent de Paul giving up one of their allocated forty Sundays. Father Iggy will also be asked to return to the town to give one last controversial Sermon on the Mount and invoke Saint Oliver to intervene on behalf of the downtrodden councillors struggling to make ends meet.
Other fund raising suggestions included a car boot sale of mayoral memorabilia. Ms. Murphy said she was hopeful that the red dress that the Mayor swans around in could be auctioned at Sothebys. A proposal by a suspected Shanks Godfrey plant calling for a collection for a statue of the great man was turned down. One man who suggested a naked calendar of the councillors was chased screaming out of the meeting. A picket of concerned parents will be placed at his home as a matter of urgency. Frightening as a calendar of naked councillors might sound, a seed has been sown.
“We need people to rally behind us. Every part of society will have its part to play. At the end of the day we are all in this together and for what we can get out of it. Reasonable expenses will be deducted from the open bucket fundraising and not a penny will go unspent.”
“That,” concluded spokesman Murphy, “is my promise to youser all.”
Tonbridge Harding is one of the Drogheda Hardings. His great grand uncle and aunt went to Liverpool during the late 19th Century aboard a boat from Doner’s Green for a shopping weekend and never returned. Tonbridge currently collects at all masses regardless of denomination, has a keen interest in politics and sports having won the national pitch and toss competition at Sunday’s Gate in the early 1980’s. He once represented Ireland at the UN narrowly failing to start a world war.