Scroats fail to agree on when to vandalise new skate park

An emergency meeting held last night in Barlow House to discuss the future of Drogheda’s new skate park, has ended in stalemate. Despite passionate and informative presentations on how best to vandalise the new skate park,  no agreement was reached. Local scroats from both the faa side and our side of the town will reconvene on Monday to present more detailed proposals.

The meeting was well attended with little or no trouble beyond peacocking, but despite lengthy deliberations no consensus was reached. After dealing with unfinished business from last month’s meeting, delegates heard four presentations.

First up was Paedo Healy from Laurence’s Park, whose rousing speech entitled Fucken wreck it before they even start fucken building it and that, brought grunts of approval from the back of the room.

“Best thing to do in this situation, when all is considered and all is just to fucken wreck the shite out of it before they even start fucken building it and that. That’s fucken thinking ahead that is. That’s using yisr brains [taps head] yis wankers [simulates male masturbation].”

Poker Kelly’s Fucken wreck it when they’re building it, yeah? PowerPoint presentation, was delayed due to technical problems. However the situation was soon resolved after one of the IT scroats went and intimidated a laptop from a passer-by. Poker’s presentation resonated deeply  with the younger, greener scroats.

Jams Doherty preferred to play the long game. His audio-visual presentation, Fucken let them enjoy it first the stupid cunts, then fucken wreck it the fuck, appealed more to the thinking man’s scroat.

“Let the gaylords enjoy it first yeah? Lull them into a [opens quotation marks with fingers] ‘sense of false security.’ They’ll think they’re fucken great they will. Then we’ll just fucken wreck it. They’ll be sicker that way they will… The fuck are you looking at ye faa side prick? Go on to fuck will ye I’ll boorst ye yeah your mother yeah yeah keep talkin’ prick.”

The presentations came to a close with Skidmark Corr’s angry Fucken just wreck it on the first day, the fuck, right? presentation in which Mr. Corr called on a full scale assault on the skate park on its opening day.

“Are youse all fucken gay or something? We’ve been waiting for years for this to be built so we can wreck it. Think about that yis faggots.”

With voting culminating in stalemate, attention was turned to the practicality of demolishing the prefabricated concrete. The general feeling was that no amount of burnt shopping trolley’s would completely destroy the park and that this course of action only be followed as a holding measure until a more structured plan be put in place. Matches Finnegan suggested that they either burn rubbish on it or regularly shit all over it. Snotrag McGowan advocated taking the hammer to it while Lugser Kiernans demonstrated how making little holes all over it would be the most effective utilisation of their manpower. Shagger McDonnell pushed for leaving used johnnies about the place as they’d ‘catch in the wheels and fuck them right up.’

The Moneymore delegate, Archie Pearse, appealed to the floor to respect the skate park in the event of it being named after an IRA volunteer or anything to do with ‘the struggle’. This confused the gathering as everyone wanted to destroy the park but knew that the struggle took precedence over everything else.

The Grand Dragon of the Drogheda Branch Scroats, Nedser Fitzpatrick, then adjourned the meeting until Monday to allow fellow scroats more time to study vandalism clips on Youtube. 

A decision is expected to be reached when the delegation reconvenes after the weekend.

Scroats Agenda
A copy of the agenda handed out to scroats before the emergency meeting.